Thank you for an understanding family and unconditional love. Thank you that even when I am a grump, they all still love me. Thank you for your unfathomable love and divine mercy. Thank you for the Catholic Church and the communion of saints. Thank you for giving me the Blessed Mother Mary as my own mother. Pray for me. Help me get well soon. Thank you that I was able to catch this episode before it got too scary and down the road into full-blown paranoia and mania. I feel much better already. Thank you for medicine that works so well. Thank you for Dr. W and all doctors that are doing a good job for their patients. Thank you for nurses, too! Thank you for your forgiveness for my selfishness and mean spirit while dealing with this illness… I am having a difficult time being nice right now… I hope I can snap out of this funk soon.
Q1-Dad, when did this illness start revving up? As I look back, I had some great days and I’m wondering if this is when it started. How long have I been sick? My life is a blur. Time is going by so quickly and I don’t know where I am going. I feel like my head is swimming.
***Mar, don’t worry about when you started getting manic. You caught it quickly and that’s all that matters. It took a couple 2 or 3 paranoia instances to get your attention, but you got it right away. Great job! Also, time is seeming to quicken for everyone, but for you, it is magnified. Just try to slow yourself down. You are a hard worker, but you need to slow down and take your time in all things. Impatience will lead you to sin. Love is patient. Love is kind (which requires patience) don’t burn your bridges. Be kind to all but especially to the people you love and who love you.
Q2-Jesus, I feel so completely unworthy of you. My soul must be very dirty and ugly to you. I am so sorry for my sins. Don’t you get tired of people expecting forgiveness and then doing the same sin over and over again? Your patience and love is amazing. Your mercy endures forever. Blessed be God forever!
*** What burdens me is when people don’t come to me for forgiveness. I have all these treasures stored up to give to people that come to me. My mercy is like flames of love that burn me because so many won’t come to me to wipe their slate clean for the Father. Especially when Catholics have the sacrament of reconciliation available to them, and they don’t take the opportunity with happiness but with dread. It should bring them to rejoice in my forgiveness and the graces that come with that. The freedom from sin through repentance is an enormous gift. When people ignore and decline my gift of love and redemption, my heart burns hot in sorrow. Especially when people come with the same sins over and again, I know that they are trying to change. When you come next time to the confessional, why don’t you ask the priest what to do for sins that reoccur? He will have good news for you. Your soul is beautiful, especially after all your sins are forgiven in confessional. Keep coming back. It makes me very happy. I love you, Mar.
Q3-Holy Spirit, I don’t feel like doing anything… this med increase has me slowed down, dizzy, grumpy and mean. I am so upset that I may need to skip my trip to Florida because of this. I am pissed, if you will excuse my language. How can I do anything for God when I feel like this? Why is this so difficult?
***Go to your mother… peaceful dove, she will teach you wisdom… teach you love. Relax- you will be fine. This is just a short delay and blip in your life that you won’t remember in two months. You will be running, playing tennis, and living a great life again once you return to health. It will be soon. You will enjoy the spring. Don’t worry about the trip. You will be where you need to be. I will lead you to the right decision about Florida and in all things with love. Hang in there. You’re doing great.
Q4- Mom, help. What can I do for relief?
*** Spend time with your father in quiet adoration. Talk with him. He has much to share with you. Close your eyes and converse in peace with him. That will give you peace, wisdom and love. This is the key. You are tired. Go ahead and rest in Him.
Ok, thank you for your help. I will go try to relax. Sorry that this meeting is so short. I don’t have much energy, patience or peace right now. I hope this funk goes past soon. Love you, xo, ~Mar