Just a piece of driftwood
To catch a spark
To rule with love
To consume the world
-dad said God can use even driftwood… me
Just a piece of driftwood
To catch a spark
To rule with love
To consume the world
-dad said God can use even driftwood… me
I need to journal some difficult situations here. When I get angry, sad, lonely, depressed, or frustrated… come talk with God. I can no longer control situations with anger and frustration. I need to give it all over to God at each instance and here in journals I can do some trouble shooting and venting of my frustration. God can and will help me, I pray.
God, first of all, I need to apologize to you! I am so sorry that I have completely blown it in the control and anger department! In the last 2 weeks, I’ve tried to control everything. Starting St. Patrick’s day on – I rebelled with my eating and not following your leading. I revolted in binge after binge. I yelled at DB multiple times. Tried to control him – which is impossible. I can only pray to you for help. I want to go to you for my help with selling our condo and lovingly be with my husband in a partnership instead of trying to do all things myself. You know my issues. You see that I think DB is doing many things on purpose just to make me mad… angry and insane. That word, Mad… it has two different words and meanings yet they are so interconnected. Help me here. Help me not to go mad… not to get mad. Journal my anger on you is what I plan to do to cry out for your help. So, I will be silent in the battles (spiritual battles) and cry out to you here. Will you please take away all the anger I have? I want to go to you for everything. So, I will start with the growl… Waiting on you and asking you what you want me to do. Looking to you for everything. I am sick of myself. I was so much more peaceful and what have I done? I am so sorry. Please give me a new beginning. I need a new start. Please take away my guilt, my heavy feeling of sadness for not looking to you. Please erase my past. I messed up. Please give me a new start today. I will wait on you. Tomorrow is Maunday Thursday. Then Good Friday… to Easter Sunday- I will fast until Easter because I want to make up for my failures. I want to be closer to you. I offer up myself, a small sacrifice, in repentance and in hopes to get back to feeling closer to you. I have missed you the last couple of weeks. I love you, God. I am so sorry, Jesus. You tried to help me and what did I do? I did what I wanted and I get miserable results. Guilt. Anger. Depression. Frustration. No… my way is not a good way. I am a terrible “god” and you are the God I need to follow. Not my will, but yours be done. Please forgive me. How I wish I could go back in time. I would journal my issues with you, and waiting on your leading. I would be so much happier right now if I had done that. I am pushing my restart button. Please make up for what I’ve missed. Please forgive me. Please help me in our efforts to sell our condo and smooth transition to our next home… a home you have in mind for us. Please don’t let me leave you again. It is miserable without you. I need you, Holy Trinity. God Almighty, you are the rock I need to stand firm. Don’t let the storms that lie ahead be too much for me. Please be my shelter from the storm.
You are beautiful-You are my best friend…You are wonderful…You are my heart -You give life to my soul. In you I find peace, love and laughter. Your Saving Passion fills me. Your light strengthens me, Your loving compassion heals me. Never leave me. Your love conquers all. Where would we be without your love?
Love always wins, Mar
Looking forward… not behind!
Thank you so much for always giving me hope and the imagination to think of the many amazing and wonderful things that lie ahead for me, for us, for the entire world. I wonder what it will be like and I know nothing I could ever imagine would hold a candle to what’s in store! You are amazing and your ways are so strange, so wonderful, so amazing… it makes me smile just to think about it! I laugh when we chat… you are so fun, so warm and loving. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your love and protection. I am elated when I think of what you may have in mind for me to do for you and the Kingdom. I offer you my little measly life for what you have for me to do. I am your living enterprise… and YOU cannot fail. Help me to always hear your lead and to follow faithfully into whatever you have for me.
Mother Mary, please protect me from whatever lies ahead in my life of wonderment… doing God’s will in all things. Pick me up when I fail. I know I will – especially if I take my eyes off what the Father has for me to do. Thank you for your warring angels and their vigilance protection on my family, friends, and my hometown. It is reassuring to know you are looking after us. I know people will talk and spread rumors about me. I know people will laugh at me. I know people will call me crazy and insane. I only want to do your will, Father. Take my will and mold it into your will. I want to always be under your umbrella of activities approved by you.
I don’t want to stray. I want to know your will and I pray that you give me the power to do it. God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference. Help me in my journey with OA. I want to be under your will and follow your lead. God, help me be the person you want me to be. You know what needs to be done… I am more than willing to do it…. to the death if needed.
Jesus, Mary… help me help you save souls. I want to be in the family business of saving lost souls. I don’t want anyone to be lost to the enemy and suffer eternally. No! I want everyone to come to your Eternal Party! Thank you for giving me this honor of inviting anyone that will listen to me. (In song). Please give me a voice that is not so terrible and melodies that soothe, intrigue, and motivate people to think about where they want to be and how to get there. Please give me talent, ideas, beauty, the right people, the right circumstances and all that I will need to get this job done! I am here… your soldier in waiting. Help me prepare my self and the world for your Mighty Holy Kingdom, which is to come… Soon, I pray. We need you so much!
Thank you for giving me the blessing and curse of an impaired memory. Thank you that I don’t remember all the bad things that have happened to me, and that are happening now. I am so appreciative that I don’t think of all the harm that has been in my life and that I don’t dwell on all that I’ve been through. I am very glad that I don’t remember (without much effort) the painful times in my life. Thank you, God, that you got me thorough it all! I look forward to living in your Spirit 24/7. I don’t think I will need memory as I pray the Holy Spirit will take my life, each moment, and live through me. May your Holy Spirit use me as His own. I pray that you see to it that I have the mighty loving Sprit make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Make me a complete loving being, and show me where I need to change. Show me what needs to be done in my life to shine your love and light. I know I have a long ways to go. Please get me there asap- if possible. I want to be transformed.
I know I have many people to make amends to. Please give me the grace to make them to all the people I have hurt. I don’t know where to start or how to do this. It goes back years. They probably don’t even remember. They may not have even been hurt, and it may be in my memory only. I don’t want to be an a-hole anymore. I know I have much room to grow. Please guide me into where you want me to be. I want to look forward but always looking back; doubting, worrying, and wondering what I was thinking of when I did certain things.
Please don’t let me be misunderstood. I seem to always insert foot when opening my mouth. Why??? Help me express myself more clearly and fully. Many problems have occurred with my mouth spouting out whatever is in my heart and mind… and then being twisted and confused. Help! I look forward to the new beginning. Please give me supernatural help, love, and support to get this job in gear. I won’t look back anymore in sorrow. I will from now on look forward with joy, hope, love and laughter for all you have in mind for us. I love you, Dad! Father-God, thank you for adopting me into your family. Can I please start in the Family Business of saving souls? Eternal Party People, Inc. will soon please get started? I need your investment. Is it possible that I could win the lottery to get this off the ground? Tonight would be great…. lol! Mega millions is around 50M tonight. That would be plenty. I just want to give myself for your intention, your plans, and your amazing songs that you have for me to share. ShamRock Studios and EPP, Inc. are waiting for your sign to get started. I can’t wait and am so EXCITED! Again, the birthdays of me, DB and Jesus… would win and we are so close to winning… I can tell! I hope I have passed the multiple tests I feel I’ve been through. If I need more help, please give it to me so I can have the strength to endure more trials. I hope I make you proud. Love, Your loving daughter…mar.
Something good is going to happen… I can feel it!
Time is moving swiftly these days. Time has flown by. It seems as if I bought my first lottery ticket yesterday. It’s been 9 years of faithful and constant games of Mega Millions and Powerball every Tues, Wed. Friday and Saturday… each floating ball had a destiny to be my numbers. Every game. For 9 years. Prayers. Hopes. Belief that I will win… every game. That is not truly 100% accurate, but I would guess 99% of the time, I looked at the numbers in disbelief! How could I be wrong in my thinking?
The ticket is tucked away at the Safe Box at the Bank. I drove to Indiana to get the tickets since Illinois may be giving out “IOUs”. They don’t pay their winners in theory. I called the Illinois Lottery and asked them point blank if they are paying their winners. He couldn’t assure me and said that he couldn’t comment on that. Oh my. So, the 45-minute drive each way once a month was our tradition for quite a while. I will not give up. We win as long as we don’t give up. I am hopeful. Just the same as always… Who knows, maybe tonight I’ll win the big jackpot. If not, that’s ok with me. God knows what he is doing. God’s got this.
We are looking at a home… my dream home. It was for sale and now has a pending offer. I’m praying that God will give the buyers a job offer with a big pay increase somewhere far away so they change their mind. That or let the bank change their mind on the loan. Either way, I would be thrilled. That house would be another kind of Lottery. Let me tell you about this house. It is amazing! It has two courtyards: One in the front and another in the back. So the house has this fortress like fence all around the home. The house has a wall of windows and the living are is open to the roof with a half second story. It is beautiful and has a soundproof room over the garage for recording! The basement is perfect for recording also and the huge living are and courtyards would be perfect for house shows/parties that would be a blast to offer to local and touring bands.
In my mind, I would love to shake my dreams into reality. Miracles, signs and wonders… video taped and start ushering in God’s Kingdom with music! I am not sure how all will be revealed or what will all happen. I only know it is going to be incredible! I can hardly wait! If the house is sold, it just wasn’t meant to be. One day, I will build a home just like it if that’s the case. God will make it all come true. Thank you, God! Thank you, Jesus! You are amazing and wonderful and I could never tell you enough how much I love you and adore you! Help me. Help you save souls.
Please don’t let me miss my destiny. Please bless my efforts and make me into the person you know I will one day become. I am growing and learning every day. Show me your will. Help me have the courage to do whatever you ask. Help me kill my will; my flesh is in need of new management! I need your will to be done in my life. Help me heed to your leadings.
Ending is BEGINNING!
Welcome to the End of Time… Where you’ll find… Miracles happen all the time! The beginning is near! The end will wash away all evil from the world… the Eternal Party is about to begin! Here I am, Lord! Let the party invitations go out to the entire world. I’m just one person. I can’t put this all together, but you can! Here I am. Lord, Send ME! Help me do this right, please. Show me what all needs to be done. Thank you for your patience with me. Let all your children come home and live with you, Love you and Laugh with you for all eternity. I love you!
Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit… help me help you save souls!
Thank you, Dad, that you are in control and have all things planned for your children. There is so much evil in the world. Only Jesus can make all things right. Come Lord, Jesus, bring your light and love to the world. We need your love, your peace and your will to be done on Earth. Thank you that you can use me in whatever way you decide is best.
I ask you… Lord, send me! Use ShamRock Studio, Eternal Party People, Inc. and our lives for your glory. Save all your children from the grips of the evil one. Let all see your light. Wake up your children from their slumber. Help me get your invitations to the Eternal Party out to the world and let everyone in their heart say, “YES! I choose you, God!” Let Jesus touch their hearts, Lord. Let all your plans come to pass exactly as you want it to unfold.
Dad, I pray that the dreams you placed in my heart come true in accordance to your holy will! I am your living enterprise and God cannot fail! Help me help you save souls. Bring your entire family of children home. Use me to help show your love and share your laughter, joy, peace, provision and concern for your children. Bring your music to earth with all your miracles, signs and wonders to break this dream into a reality.
May all people see your power and know your love for them. Please make ShamRock Studio your home for your most Holy Spirit through me and all the artists that come for a visit. May miracles break through for a revival unknown of before, a habituation of your love… not just a visitation… a habitation of your will and spirit to cover the ends of the earth!
Please get me into your will and not to miss out on your lead. Help me obey. Help me hear and heed your word. I am sorry for being so rebellious and stubborn. Help me obey your lead in all things and especially in the “small” leanings you give to me to help me lose the weight. Please bless Gwen and please help me stay on track. I need your help in this endeavor. I am sorry that it is so hard for me, when I know your leanings and then do my way instead. I am so sorry. Help me wait for your growl and leading to eat and please help me follow you. Your ways are the best! I am so weak. Please give me the strength to get this right before you.
The odds are for me
Thank you, God, that the odds are for me. In the “natural” it does look like it. As the years go by, I feel more and more defeated but I never give up on you! My dreams, and my hopes of winning the lottery, building ShamRock Studios and Eternal Party People… we are ready to rock! You are in control and New York cannot stop your plans. I ask in Jesus’ name. Father, please Guide the following numbers to float up at the right time: I am your living enterprise. Use me, Lord! Send me! I come to do your will. I am asking, seeking, and knocking on your door.
Every father knows to give good gifts to their children… how much more would my Heavenly Father who has all things under his control… you can Do whatever you please. You bless your children with so many good gifts. Thank you so much for all that you have given me! Mental stability, loving family, all our material needs and most of our “wants” – you provide for me in all that I need when I need it. Thank you that the odds are for me in the lotto because when you want something… you get it! All you need to do is breathe that into reality with a second of your intent. I believe. Your daughter has this request, but most importantly I pray for my dad’s health to be restored with a new and healthy heart. Please send your angel with a new heart for him. I love you, Father God! Thank you, Cheers! ~mar
Dear Jesus, I am so tired of the violence, evil and hatred that is so prevalent in the world. Please help all who are involved and heal their wounds: Physical, mental and spiritual wounds. Please send each person some special love, healing, blessings and a touch of your presence tonight for all the people that were at the airport today, all the police and victims. I offer a special prayer for the shooter who is mentally ill and just got back from Iraq.
Please stop the terror and help us deal with making the world a better place. Show us what we each can do and Jesus, please soon come with your powerful love and heal our broken hearts. Bring your peace and light up our world with your life-giving saving grace. We need you. Show me what I can do to help. I will do your will, make me your hands, feet, mouth and I want to be used as your living enterprise; make me your instrument of peace. I love you.
Thank you for sanity, our home, our jobs, our health, family and friends, so many blessings… thank you so much for taking such good care of me. Please help me start the next chapter of my life. Bring lottery winnings to my bank account if it is in accordance with your Holy will… make ShamRock Studios and EPP, Inc. a new beginning for me. It’s a fun dream. Please don’t be mad at me to always ask for it. I was told to dream big… so, I do my best. Lol.
Come Lord, Jesus. Fill my life with your love and give me instructions each day. I wait for my marching orders. Whatever the cost… I say yes. Show me what you want me to do with my life and give me the grace and courage to do it.
God Said… as in my heart I heard him say:
Ive got this… As He dimmed the light …to darkness a slow second- then back to bright shining on the blessed sacrament …for a slow second… As if a reassuring hug… I felt a warmth inside my chest … and smiled a big sigh of relief.
It’s going to be better than you could ever imagine… He said with a grin laughing eyes as he looked the other way… Trumpets in the background filled my mind with joy. Yes, I know it will be grand… So when can we start???!?!?! ;). I said.
He told me once He likes my tenacity… In a good way…, so, I guess I’ll keep playing lotto with the knowing that He likes how I’m expectantly waiting… I keep thinking I’ll win, who knows maybe lightning will strike. Maybe once. Maybe twice?
God knows what’s going on- so I’ve been told in my dreams. I pray He knows it all: how I try. How I love. How I just want to do his will. It started as a dream now We shake this dream into reality