Author: RSVP to the Eternal Party! Page 37 of 54

Today I want to talk about a few things I have the Siri microphone taking notes for me. I’m finally feeling back to normal and was able to go to my dads drum gig to help him set it up and take down. I felt great so I went to church and reconciliation, it felt fabulous! I don’t know if this is going to be my new base at 30 mg Zyprexa, but it’s working well so I may only go down a little bit more and stay at 20. Now my big decision is whether not I should go to Florida as planned. In one way it would be very relaxing as well as In a way very stressful. Any suggestion on your end as far as what I should do?

Another thing I have questions about – why do I feel like this world and its entire darkness getting even stronger darkness each day I feel like it’s getting worse and worse. Is there something that I can do to help out with this? If there is I have no idea what I can do on my own there’s nothing I can do. Only with you is anything possible.

Dad I feel like the entire plan of bringing light back in to cover the world like it depends on me and I know that’s wrong -that’s my illness, but that’s how I feel like it’s all on me and it’s kind of a big burden if you can imagine. I keep forgetting to put in punctuation. I am rambling on I know but I feel like there’s something I need to get off my chest. I can’t handle this on my own. There’s something anything I can do then just please lead me there. I am lost. I feel so alone. And I don’t know what else I can do. I feel like I’ve blown it. I feel like there’s something I was supposed to do somehow and I have not done it! I thought it was on the right track but now I feel like I’m just so far gone and out of the game.

I really need your help God- if there something you want me to do I need your help I can’t do this on my own. And then on top of all this I’ve got to deal with paranoia… and anxiety so whatever I can do I offer it up but you’re in a have to do something some strong miracle works within me to get me to where I need to be. I pray that you get me to where you want me to be so I can do this thing. Whatever this thing is that we have in mind. If it is eternal party people, Inc. Or holy trinity app or if you still can use ShamRock studios, I’m all for it so let’s maybe get me to where I need to be for this, I’m just getting older, more stressed thinking about this.

I know you’re in control and that you’ve got this. But I feel like I’ve let you down, dad. I really feel like time is running out. But I know you are the author of time, father God, I pray your kingdom come your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, amen!

The darkness is so great, dad. Dad, you have to help us! You have to come for us dad we love you and we want to share your love with the world. Let your light shine strongly on us, all us in the world here are lonely souls morning & weeping in this valley of tears. All the hunger, evil, darkness, hatred, violence, ingratitude of your love and spitting in the eye of God, they don’t know what they’re doing. They just do what they see around them and there’s only evil all around. I don’t know how much darker the darkness can get dad. The media music and entertainment in United States is brainwashing the kids and I feel so sorry for them because they don’t know what they’re doing. They are being led by blind darkness. It’s time for your light to shine. It’s time for Jesus and his love to overcome the world! If I may be so bold as to declare that. Come Lord Jesus and save us, mother Mary, save us. Jesus and Mary save souls. Jesus and Mary help me help you to save souls. Please lead me in the right way. The way to go. Show me what I need to do. Love, equip and empower me to do my dad’s will. Love, Holy Spirit, empower & equip me to always do what you want me to do and to do it powerfully, bravely & with courage and love.

Mother, I pray that you give me a pure heart. Please always be with me and guide me lead me in the way of Christ perfection. I pray that you help me be a better person and I strive to be more like Christ. Mother please please please please please help me live with a pure heart. Show me the way to go in all things. I love you mom.

Love, thank you for getting me through each day. You give me the strength to go on. You help me overlook the hurt and pain that I go through. You give me the boldness courageous and strong will tenacious and ready to go and charge onward in my mission for God and for his children. They don’t even know how much he loves them. That breaks my heart. I want everyone to know how much dad loves them. There is so much hurt and need for God right now. Help me invite them to the eternal party. I can’t stand the thought of them going to hell. I know it’s none of my business what other people do, but I’m forcing goodness upon them I suppose by my wishing them well. I only wish well for all people. And what in my mind is good and well and right and just is for all God’s children to come home and be with their father for eternity. Not in some dark torturous dank foul-smelling pit of hell for eternity. No that’s for the demons only and Lucifer. And I know that Christ died on the cross for all of us. And I know that the cross was a huge success. If only people would open their eyes and except it, dear God, that is my prayer.

Mother, help me get this message across to people. Mother would you please pray for miracles to happen so that people can see God -Jesus, King Jesus…alive in their lives reaching each one of them in a personal and real and powerful way. I think a phone app could put that in the palm of their hand and lead them in the way to pray and a fun inactive and powerful miraculous way. JC care instead of Obama Care where they go to the app and pray along with the app and Jesus will show up for all their needs!

I love you guys, thank you for listening to me. I need to go now, Please pray for me, all you wonderful Saints and Angels… Please don’t forget I need your help! Mom, Dad, Jesus, Love, I want to tell you guys that I’m still in this game. Don’t give up on me. I won’t quit! I hope I am not too late for the victory bash! Count me in; I’d love to kick some Lucy booty with you, Mom! Please help me do your will, lead me on. Show me the way… I’ll follow. Love you guys. Gotta go, DB just came home so I need to chat with him. I think we’re going to the Grocery store.

Nite, Love you!

xo,

Hey, ho there! Thank you, Dear God that I am not dizzy today! I am so happy that I feel so much better. Thank you for taking such good care of me! Thank you for spring to be just around the corner! Thank you that I have such a wonderful and loving family! I am so blessed, thank you, Father for everything you give to us. All good things come from you and the list of them would be endless. Thank you doesn’t say enough or even come close to the gratitude I have for my redemption by my Lord, Jesus Christ! This is such a precious gift! I don’t deserve your goodness! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your promise of heaven one day, please make me worthy to live eternity with you. By His blood-I am washed clean of my sin. Thank you, Lord!

Q1– Mom, Thank you for helping me pray. I don’t know how to pray but you come to the rescue and make my weak offerings beautiful in your loving prayer-boosting way. You make my prayers beautiful to Dad and take away my defects of perfect prayer. Thank you that you do this without my asking… being consecrated to Jesus through your heart is the most amazing transformation of prayer. What can I do to thank you and also what do I need to do to make sure you are still able to do this for me?

*** Mar, your consecration will never be revoked. I take all the prayers of my children who are consecrated to Jesus through me and make them perfect, beautiful and effective. All that you need to do is remember me. I am always here with you and I love to talk with you. When you pray the rosary or the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, I am with you in a special way during those times. During that time, I search your heart and pray for your needs to the Father. I also take that prayer offering for people you know and love. All those on your prayer list will always be prayed for in a special way during that time. If you want to thank me, all you need to do is smile and be happy. That helps me know that you are all right and on the path of the Father. We only want you to be joyful. All other things will come through once you relax and enjoy your life to the fullest.

 If you are not joyful, how can you throw an eternal party that people would like to come to? If you have joy in your heart, the party would be a blast if given in that spirit. Don’t you see, dear Mar, that heaven will come down to bring love, light, laughter and peace? If you work against this, it is just not going to work. So, to make me happy, mar, Smile and be happy… We know you have this ability. We’ve watched it in you all your life. That’s one of the reasons why we trust you with EPP, Inc. And Holy Trinity App. Don’t fail us now! You are so close to a breakthrough- hang in there.   Smile and laugh to see your destiny come to you one day, soon.

Q2-Dad, I love you! Thank you for giving me the Blessed Mother. She gives great warm hugs and endless help. What do you think I could do for mom (in addition to smiling and being happy) that would make her especially proud of me?

***As you grow into the virtues of kindness, patience and humility she will be even more proud of her work in you. She already is proud of your growth in many areas, but these three could be improved with her help. You know the reasons why you have a difficult time with these. Soon it will be easier for you. Keep praying to Mother and she will be able to help grow you in these areas- if you ask her.

Q3– Jesus, Help me be a better wife, please. I have much difficulty being kind and loving with the paranoia that I deal with on a daily basis. When I think DB is a “demon” or “evil” I understandably have issues with being kind in such a circumstance. I try to reason with myself that this is not the case, but it really and truly is tiring. Also, it is frustrating and makes me want to cry when I think of it. I know it is much better than it used to be, but I still need to be kinder to DB during those moments. Won’t you help me? He deserves so much better than this.

*** Mar, I love you and you need to know that you are doing a fantastic job with how far you have come. He loves you and really appreciates all you do for him. He understands. He knows. I will help you improve in this way: I will give you peace. Breathe in peace when you are having issues, and I will give you peace.   Do your best and keep improving a little each day. Pray to your mother always for help. The paranoia will go away with a little higher dosage. Maybe you could talk with Dr. W on the 3^rd and ask if 20 mg as a base would be beneficial. He will help you. Take it easy. Rest up. This new levl of zyprexa will help you deal with your difficulties in this area. Actually, it will help in many areas. Keep exercising, too. You’ll get to where you need to be. Just remain patient. We love you!

Q4-Holy Spirit, my Love… can I call you “Love”? I need a name that I can use when we speak to each other. Do you have a name? If you have one, I’d bet it would be “Love”.

*** You make me smile, mar. Yes, you can call me “Love” anytime. The more you speak with me in your heart, the more I will reveal to you about myself. I appreciate you giving me a name in addition to “Holy Spirit”. Also, in the past you have called me “Happy Spirit” which I liked a lot also. But, “Love” is a wonderful name.

Closing:

Love, Big hug and kiss to you. I need you more than ever. Help me come to know you more. Help me talk with you every day. Love, you’re amazing. You lift me up out of darkness and confusion. You light up my life. You calm me and give me peace. How did I live my life before knowing you? You held me up and saved me from myself. Thank you.   XO, ~mar

Thank you that you are seeing to the healing of my jaw. I thank you, Jesus, for your healing power and your presence. Thank you that you make all things turn out for good. Thank you that I am feeling better and soon to be back down to a manageable level of zyprexa. Please help me know what to do about going to Florida. Thank you that I have understanding family and friends. Thank you for your love and protection. Thank you for the beautiful sunshine outside. I love you!

Q1-Dad, Almighty Father, Abba, I love you. What will you be able to do with this suffering? I offer it up to the foot of the cross with Jesus to be offered to you. Please don’t let my suffering be for nothing.

***You have been through a lot since you were diagnosed in 1989. You need to know that each and every ounce of pain you suffered has been offered as a sacrifice for the salvation of lost souls. Be glad that this is possible and rejoice that you are able to help other people in this eternal manner. Your consecration to Jesus through Mary has been instrumental in making this possible. You are very much appreciated and loved by Holy Trinity, Blessed Mother, the angels and saints. We are routing for you and want you to know that you are doing a great job. You will get through this illness in a little while, you will see. I can make good even out of this. You will soon see and agree that much good comes from offering up pain.

Q2-Mom, Thank you for helping me pray and offer up pain and sorrow to God. What do I need to do going forward that could help move along the process of redeeming lost souls? I want to do whatever I can to help you and Jesus save lost souls. Out of my love for you guys, I offer myself as a living sacrifice to help out and do my part. What more should I do this lent?

*** The consecration to Divine Mercy will be instrumental in this process. Please take your time each day on these 33 days from March 1st to the feast day of Divine Mercy. Do the readings, but also journal here and in the book on what you learn and how you feel about what you’re studying. Also, please take time to be in the Presence of God. Rest in the arms of Jesus. Read your books on St. Teresa of Avila to learn why this is so important and how to best go about doing this.

Q3-Jesus, thank you for being my hero. I love you so much! What do I need to learn about this process of my assignment, that will speed up the process or at least get me to where you want me to be in the timeframe you need. I feel as if I am so far behind. I wish I had more preparations musically than I have done so far.

***First of all, never try to speed up the things of God. You must flow with us, not against us. It is easy if you do this. Slow down, Mar. You will get to where we want you to be in the timeframe appointed by God. You haven’t missed anything. You are not far behind. You’re JIT… Just in time. Perfect. No worries. Hang in there. We got this. God has everything planned out. God cannot fail. Just cooperate and you always do, so don’t worry. And also don’t hurry. No Hurry. No worry. 2 things you need to remember. Ok? 🙂

Q4-Holy Spirit, I love you. Thank you for giving me peace. I am so glad that you are with me. You know what I’m going through. This jaw pain and emotional pain from this dang mental illness- you know all that I’m dealing with right now. You see me though everything. Could you talk with me more starting this Lenten season? I want to hear your voice more clearly.

*** I am limited due to the fact that if you hear my voice too distinctly, you may be afraid that it is mental illness symptoms. I work best for you in a quiet manner. Here in the meetings and then also in your heart spoken softly to you. I am sorry it has to be this way for now. Soon you will have your light body and everything will be amazing. Don’t worry; you won’t die to receive your light body. No, you will evolve into it and the process has already started. It will take a few years. I know you think this is crazy talk right now… don’t worry. Everything is unfolding as it should. You will be so thrilled at the difference you will feel when this completes the process. All you need to do is take every day one day at a time. You’ll get there. We love you. Keep coming back to Board Meetings… much work is being done in you while we all meet here. Smile. You’re in good hands.

Closing:

Thank you for all your help. Please don’t give up on me, because I will never give up on you. Give me the grace to have the best lent ever. Help me get back to a lower dosage of Zyprexa so that I am no longer dizzy. Please pray that I have no more issues with paranoia. Love you, you guys are awesome! I don’t know how people can live in today’s darkness without your light and love. Help me share your light with others. Amen. xo, ~mar

Thank you for an understanding family and unconditional love. Thank you that even when I am a grump, they all still love me. Thank you for your unfathomable love and divine mercy. Thank you for the Catholic Church and the communion of saints. Thank you for giving me the Blessed Mother Mary as my own mother. Pray for me. Help me get well soon. Thank you that I was able to catch this episode before it got too scary and down the road into full-blown paranoia and mania. I feel much better already. Thank you for medicine that works so well. Thank you for Dr. W and all doctors that are doing a good job for their patients. Thank you for nurses, too! Thank you for your forgiveness for my selfishness and mean spirit while dealing with this illness… I am having a difficult time being nice right now… I hope I can snap out of this funk soon.

Q1-Dad, when did this illness start revving up? As I look back, I had some great days and I’m wondering if this is when it started. How long have I been sick? My life is a blur. Time is going by so quickly and I don’t know where I am going. I feel like my head is swimming.

***Mar, don’t worry about when you started getting manic. You caught it quickly and that’s all that matters. It took a couple 2 or 3 paranoia instances to get your attention, but you got it right away. Great job! Also, time is seeming to quicken for everyone, but for you, it is magnified. Just try to slow yourself down. You are a hard worker, but you need to slow down and take your time in all things. Impatience will lead you to sin. Love is patient. Love is kind (which requires patience) don’t burn your bridges. Be kind to all but especially to the people you love and who love you.

Q2-Jesus, I feel so completely unworthy of you. My soul must be very dirty and ugly to you. I am so sorry for my sins. Don’t you get tired of people expecting forgiveness and then doing the same sin over and over again? Your patience and love is amazing. Your mercy endures forever. Blessed be God forever!

*** What burdens me is when people don’t come to me for forgiveness. I have all these treasures stored up to give to people that come to me. My mercy is like flames of love that burn me because so many won’t come to me to wipe their slate clean for the Father. Especially when Catholics have the sacrament of reconciliation available to them, and they don’t take the opportunity with happiness but with dread. It should bring them to rejoice in my forgiveness and the graces that come with that. The freedom from sin through repentance is an enormous gift. When people ignore and decline my gift of love and redemption, my heart burns hot in sorrow. Especially when people come with the same sins over and again, I know that they are trying to change. When you come next time to the confessional, why don’t you ask the priest what to do for sins that reoccur? He will have good news for you. Your soul is beautiful, especially after all your sins are forgiven in confessional. Keep coming back. It makes me very happy. I love you, Mar.

Q3-Holy Spirit, I don’t feel like doing anything… this med increase has me slowed down, dizzy, grumpy and mean. I am so upset that I may need to skip my trip to Florida because of this. I am pissed, if you will excuse my language. How can I do anything for God when I feel like this? Why is this so difficult?

***Go to your mother… peaceful dove, she will teach you wisdom… teach you love. Relax- you will be fine. This is just a short delay and blip in your life that you won’t remember in two months. You will be running, playing tennis, and living a great life again once you return to health. It will be soon. You will enjoy the spring. Don’t worry about the trip. You will be where you need to be. I will lead you to the right decision about Florida and in all things with love. Hang in there. You’re doing great.

Q4- Mom, help. What can I do for relief?

*** Spend time with your father in quiet adoration. Talk with him. He has much to share with you. Close your eyes and converse in peace with him. That will give you peace, wisdom and love. This is the key. You are tired. Go ahead and rest in Him.

Ok, thank you for your help. I will go try to relax. Sorry that this meeting is so short. I don’t have much energy, patience or peace right now. I hope this funk goes past soon.  Love you, xo, ~Mar

Happy Valentines Day!  Thank you, God, for giving me a wonderful family that puts up with me! They are so understanding and have true unconditional love towards me. I feel sorry for people that don’t have anyone who love them. The homeless and elderly in nursing homes that have no one to visit them. Thank you for my health. Even though I have difficulties with mental illness, I am blessed with the physical health that can walk, run, laugh, I can work, I am able to love, to think, and to converse with you, Holy Trinity. Thank you for giving me my beloved, DB, who is my best friend. Thank you for Jesus; that he came to heal our soul, body, and spirit. Thank you for not leaving me to myself. Thank you that you guide me and love me. I love you!

Q1-Dad, I need to hear from you. I don’t know what I should do about Florida.

*** Don’t make any decisions now. Rest. See Dr. W. Get in to talk with him next week. He will have a good plan for your recovery. You will be ok. Don’t worry about it. You’re in good shape. You caught it early. We love you. You’re in good hands.

Q2-Jesus, I feel like I’m letting you and everyone else down by not progressing with my assignment. You told me I haven’t lost yet. You told me not to give up. But what should my priority be to get done during this illness and then after?

*** Your number 1 priority right now is to rest, heal your brain, and do what you enjoy. Also, you will need to get your hours in for February. You can do this if you take your time and take breaks. Next week will be a relaxing week if you choose to make it so. Please do. Take your time in all things. The dizzy feelings mean that you need to slow down and stop what you’re doing and relax. Close your eyes and be in my presence. I will heal you if you let me. (Keep taking your medicine of course, but I will help you heal quickly.)

Q3-Holy Spirit, Please help me get through this.

*** Don’t think so much about the future, dear Mar. Keep focused on today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, because today is where you need to be. You feel overwhelmed, I know. It will be ok. Your brain is trying to slow down. Allow it.

Q4- Mom, I love you. Please pray for me.

*** I will, I always do. You will be fine and soon this will just be a distant memory that you will soon forget. Learn from this lesson, though… if you forget to take your medicine, take it as soon as you think of it, no matter what you may need to skip in order to rest. You will be fine. Dr. W will give you a great game plan. You will see him next week. We love you.

Thank you for your love, your assistance, and your prayers.  Xo,  ~mar

Q1-Dad, thank you for giving me DB to love on this journey called life. What plans do you have for us with regard to creating music?

***You will be able to create powerful messages to the listeners. You will have many followers, and also haters. Remember the hate is not for you to take personally. They will hate you because of Jesus. As your dad always said, no good deed is left unpunished. So, prepare yourself. You will be protected; you will receive death threats. Only know that this means you are on the right track (making the right tracks…) and that your suffering should be lifted up to the cross to offer to me along with Jesus’ passion. Many lost souls will be saved. You also will have a blast creating the songs. You will bring much laughter to the world. Many miracles will occur worldwide from the effects of people singing your songs of praise and call for miracles. It will be a revival like none other. It will usher in my Holy Kingdom. You were chosen for this assignment. The only thing you need to remember is this: 1-Love DB more each day as you Enjoy creating music with DB (and soon after many other famous musicians) 2- keep laughing and enjoying this process. 3- Work at it in play and joy while dedicating time to this process each day. 4- most of all, remember “I’ve Got This!” (God’s got this, so I don’t need to worry!)

Q2-Jesus, I adore you! Could you help me love DB more… when I see him as evil (from my illness). It is so hard to be kind, loving, gracious, and joyful when I am feeling that He hates me (symptom of illness). I know it’s in my mind, but what should I do to make this a better situation when it happens. It happens every day. Day in and day out. I’m frustrated with this illness and getting weary.

*** The medicine you are taking will help you with this. Don’t think that these instances of “evil perception” are real. I know that is easier said than done. Have mercy on yourself. We have much mercy and grace for you. We see your struggle. Don’t cry, Mar, because if you only knew how far you’ve come you would know that you are a victor! DB understands. It’s hard on him, too. Try to love him in the little things. Do little things with great love. (Mother Teresa) Each day pray for him. Do favors and surprises for him often. You will feel better on a higher dose of zyprexa. Don’t worry about anything right now, just try to recover from this latest episode and enjoy your downtime with resting in God’s light and love.

Q3-Holy Spirit, you are welcome here. Come flood my home with your presence and love, I beg. I am not worthy of your to come under my roof with your unfathomable Divine Mercy, but only say the word, and my soul will be healed.

***Your soul is healed, Mar. Go with God in peace throughout your week with much grace for loving others. I will guide you. I love you, Mar, and we know your struggles that you’re going through. You’re still on track for the win. You’re playing a rough sport, high contact sport, and this battle you’re facing this month will soon be over. Hang in there. You have much assistance. The saints are praying for you. Angels are protecting you. I am guiding you. Jesus loves you and is running this race right along side you. Mother Mary is giving you the grace to get through this. And Father God is very proud of you, your efforts, your stamina, and your attitude. You will come out of this even stronger, Mar. Your meds may be adjusted up for awhile; we will get you through this. You will be able to go to Tennis lessons on Monday. Don’t worry about anything. Your work will be blessed with many appointments if you pray while working. Try it. It works!!! We love you and appreciate your dedication and efforts. It won’t be wasted.

Thank you! I am so glad that you have got this battle under control. Thank you for allowing me to catch this before it got out of hand. Please let me know next week if I should cancel my trip in March. I would like to go. xo, ~Mar

Hi Ya! Thank you so much for the gift of laughter! You crack me up endlessly. Thank you for giving me family that love to laugh and have a good time. Thank you that you have plans to make all humanity laugh, love and enjoy your Holy Presence. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for helping me get back to some kind of mental health again. Please let Dr. W tell me how long I need to take this medicine and please let it be the perfect advise for my situation. Thank you for zyprexa and that it works so well for me. Thank you for music… for all the music that makes me feel happy. You are awesome for creating a universe of sound waves… eternal music of love. Help me to always tap into that music.

Q1- Dad, I still feel like things are going fast around me… a little dizzy and still feel rushed. A tad bit revved up, perhaps. How long do you say I should keep on the increased level of zyprexa? I haven’t heard back from Dr. W yet…

*** If you don’t hear back from him today, then for the weekend stay on 30 mg. and go ahead and Sunday night keep on 30 mg until you hear back. This is the wise choice, Mar. You want to be healthy for the trip to Florida, so let’s tackle this completely so you can enjoy your time without paranoia. I know you hate this- but believe me- it is the best option. Otherwise, you will just fall back and lose even more time down with the increased meds. We’re really proud of you for catching the symptoms and the initiative you took on Wednesday to manage this illness. You feel a little dizzy right now, so why don’t you get a drink of water, rest a bit and come back after awhile later this afternoon. Ok?

2/12/16   3:40pm

Thank you, Dad. I feel better now… less dizzy.

Q2-Jesus, I love you! What do you think I should do about the trip to Florida in 2 weeks?

*** If you have any doubts about going, your health comes first. You will know a week before how you are doing. To heal the fastest, try to slow down and avoid as much stimulation as possible (movies, being around other people, etc.) Take the next week to really focus on healing: quiet. No pressure. Nothing needs to be done. You will be able to work and that will be relaxing/good for your brain. Try not to make any decisions about Florida until next weekend. ok?

Q3-Holy Spirit, will you please guide me and be close to me? Could you make yourself known to me; speak a tad bit louder for me? I will try to listen more.

*** Right now, it’s best for us to try not to talk too loudly; it may cause you undue instability. Try to nap a lot- don’t worry about anything. I have it all covered. Everyone understands and will help you in the next 3 weeks. Rest up. Take whatever med dosage your doctor tells you to do and take it as long as he says to take it. You’ll be fine. This too shall pass. You won’t need to go to the hospital if you follow Dr.W.

Q4-Mom, thank you for always being with me, even when I don’t think of you or talk with you. I appreciate all that you are doing for me. Thank you for sending your angels to help me. Was that man in front of me at Ash Wednesday mass… was he an angel? Or was that my illness? Also, did he put a bubble of protection around me? It felt like he did once I asked him to. The man to my left seemed evil with bad intentions for me… was all this paranoia on my end?

*** You do have many angels around you. You are protected. The illness and paranoia are more amplified when you are not level on the meds. So, you feel all that is going on around you and detect the spiritual realm more strongly when you need to increase your medicine. Try not to think about this. Just take your meds, rest, follow the Dr. directions. You will be fine. I will pray for you and your healing. Don’t worry about Florida this week. You can decide later (7 days prior to your trip)

Thank you. I appreciate your help, your prayers and your protection. I know there is nothing to worry about in regards to my safety, because I trust in you!

xo, Amen! ~Mar

Thank you for your help in getting me back in shape and slowing down some. I really needed to increase the zyprexa and am blessed that you helped me get help before it is too far down the road. Thank you that I am able to use my Doctor’s advice of managing this horrible disease. Thank you, though, for the blessings that have come out of my struggle with Schizoaffective disease. I am able to manage this beast and that was not possible for so many years. Thank you, God, for giving me DB to help me realize when I need to increase the meds. We caught it so early, thank you! I should be fine this spring and back to normal soon. Help me not to miss too many workouts and tennis lessons. Thank you that you will continue to help me to lose weight even with this happening. Thank you for giving me so much assistance with the protection from my warring angels, the saints, Blessed Mother and the Holy Trinity. Thank you for helping me get back to board meetings and to make them a priority again. (I am sorry I went 3 days without them, I was revving up in mania so I have a good excuse?) I love you guys, thank you for your love and assistance. Thank you that you can still use me and that I have not “Blown it” and am still in the race. Don’t count me out just yet! I am a fighter and no devil is going to keep me down. God, please watch over me, keep me in your will, equip and empower me to know and to do your will always. If I stumble, pick me up and put me back on your holy road to paradise.

Q1– Dad, I feel dizzy, tired, like I’m dragging and unable to think. Being on 30 mg. zyprexa makes it practically impossible to work or get anything done, let alone exercise. If I have to be on this medicine longer than this weekend, I don’t know how I’ll be able to continue training for the 10k, or work… I need to make money and really can’t afford to miss hours. Dad, what do you think I should do? How long will I be on this higher dose? Will I have to miss our trip to Florida in 2 weeks?

***Just relax, Mar. You will be fine. Dr. W will tell you what to do. The worse that could happen is you need some time to repair and rebalance. You won’t miss too much work. I will help you get through this. We are with you. Don’t worry about training, you will make it up and there is much time before the Marathon’s 10k. Your trip to Florida will possibly need to be cancelled. If you follow Dr. W advice, you will be able to heal in time. Don’t think about what you are missing, only remember how blessed you are that you have medicine that works for your brain. Many people don’t have that worked out and ruin their lives while searching for it. Try to enjoy your time off work, and your cleared calendar schedule will be refreshing. We will get your through this season. Hang in there.

Q2-Mom, you know what I am going through. It seems so real. It is truly painful. I feel so alone and it hurts that I have these mental issues that make it seem so real that my family turns on me from loving to demonized… In a sense I know that this is the illness manifesting, but it really and truly seems like reality. My reality. Please let this medicine take away the evil I see in people. I’m not scared when it happens; it’s just so frustrating and makes me so angry. It is very difficult to be a kind and loving person when everyone keeps cycling between good and bad- wanting me dead. I love my family and friends, but -You know what it’s like. You see my torn and tortured heart. Help me through this thorn in my side. I know it’s nothing compared to what other people need to go through. Help me be loving and kind to others through it all. I need the grace to be gracious to those in whom I sense evil hatred of me and my mission.

***Mar, we are with you. Just do your best. Try to be kind. When this happens, and I know it’s been happening a lot lately, you should increase your medicines until you’re balanced again. You will be fine. You haven’t been mean to anyone. You are the one that is being hit on all sides, even if it is only in your mind. God sees your heart and has much love for you, grace for you, help for you, and patience for you. You are doing great. I know that this is a trial unfathomable, but you are doing so well. I will offer all your suffering up to the cross to be presented to the Father for lost souls. Together, we will overcome evil, Mar through Jesus’ Passion and love and Mercy.

 Hang in there, you are a wonderful soldier… keep the fight strong. Hang in there. Be nice. Don’t worry how others perceive you, for we know your heart. It is being ripped in two, we know; so just do your best to be gracious. Soon you will not have to suffer this illness. Soon you will have your light body! 🙂 (Just a little good news for you) You have not lost this war, only a little blur in the process. You’re still in the game, and this is not a setback but a set up for advancement of His Kingdom… You’re doing great! Listen to what Dr. W has to say. Ok? We love you.

Q3-Holy Spirit, I need to ask you for your help. First, I want to thank you for getting me to get help before it mushroomed out of control. So, big hug and kiss of thanks. My request is that I was wondering if you could tell me what videos I should watch while I have all this free time… Something funny? Something about raw food diets and nutrition? Something spiritually enriching? Or no videos at all?

***I will lead you. When you go to YouTube, ask me what you should search for and I will show you what I would like you to see. So, ask me when you are in the moment. (You probably wouldn’t remember if I told you.) You don’t need any “To-Do” lists while you are healing. Rest in God’s love. Read your bible if you feel led to. Just keep asking me what I’d like you to do in the “now” moment. Don’t worry about having a “Now moment brain” You will remember the things you need to know when you need to know them. It’s a new JIT brain! (Just in time) flow with me in the moment. You will love it. But it will be ruined if you worry about not remembering things. They just get in our way. You will love it. Trust in my lead. I will teach you in many things. You will be a genius, but only a genius with a “poor” memory. Like we’ve all been saying, hang in there. You’re doing great!

Q4-Jesus, last night was so difficult. I poured out my heart to you and DB. I want to thank you for allowing my beloved to help me get help for my illness. He was great to talk to and he has much patience with me. Thank you that he understands me and forgives me when I fail to be loving. Thank you for your forgiveness, too. How does your love never run dry- when we neglect to thank you or think of your unfathomable divine mercy?

***You’re welcome, Mar. I am with you always. My heart is bigger than the Milky Way galaxy and love flows as an endless ocean of mercy. My love never runs dry, but it pains me when people don’t know about it or if they do, many don’t trust me that I can forgive them. My only desire is to bless all people with my loving forgiveness so that they can come to the PARTY… eternal party with the Father. Instead, many are choosing to go to hell’s “party” of endless darkness, hate, pain, and tortures… if they only knew the choice they are making by not trusting me. They don’t know me… yet. Mar,

 I want to thank you for saying that you would like to invite the world to the Eternal Party! I will help you prepare for sending out the invitations with many miracles for the masses… I will come through. Keep trusting in me. IT will be fabulously successful. None will be lost. We win… Love wins every time. You need to take care of yourself. Recover this setback and know that you are still on track to win. The computer has the evidence. We know your heart. We know your struggles and offerings. We love you and appreciate you! You are my beloved and I am yours. Big strong hug to you, Mar. Keep the faith. God is with you.

Closing: I feel so much better. Thank you for being with me. I am sorry I missed 3 days of meetings, please forgive me but more importantly, help me be faithful to come here every day. I need you and I need to hear your voice. Thank you that you always talk with me, but I also appreciate putting this down so that I can read the words at a latter date. Thank you that my brain is not deteriorating, but learning to live in the moment. Thank you that my “JIT” brain is going to be a genius brain one day… I can’t wait for that gift! Thank you for your love and Mercy.  Xo. ~Mar

Q1-Mom, what do you think I should work on this week?

*** Take some time to sit quietly with the Holy Trinity. Read the daily scriptures and meditate for a few minutes. Do this first thing in the morning. Try getting to bed by 10pm and rise earlier to fit this into your schedule, making it a priority. It would be a great habit to get into. You will be very blessed by doing this. Try to get up at 6am during the week. You can do many things with this extra time. Try to plan your day the night before so you know what you will be doing and get mentally prepared to follow through with it. Ok? 🙂

Q2-Jesus, what would you like me to do for DB this week? Something that would be fun…

*** Snuggle with him in the mornings. He would like that. Set your alarm for 6am like mom suggested, and then get your phone, read the magnificat’s daily scriptures while he sleeps, so that when he wakes up, you will be there for him. He will really appreciate it. You can make him a smoothie or juice for him for breakfast and get him a lunch ready. A little love goes a long way… 🙂 it won’t take much effort and you will both love this time together.

Q3- Holy Spirit, would you give me the gift of humor, laughter. Loving playfulness and a tender heart? I’ve noticed my heart is a little hardened from all that I’m going through. Could you help me with this?

*** Yes, since you asked, you shall receive. I will touch your heart with my love in a special way and you will notice a difference. Keep praying to be more loving. That is a great prayer.

Q4-Dad, I love you! Thank you for your genius solutions for all our problems. Thank you, God; that you’ve got this and it’s going to be awesome! You are the absolute best dad in all the many parallel universes from all time from before time to future time endlessly… how’d you get to be so cool?

*** Ha-ha, Mar. I love you, too. You’re not so bad yourself. 🙂 Keep up the good work and get your sleep. You need it especially during the spring/Lenten season; for your mental stability, you brain will need extra sleep. It’s a great idea for you to sleep 10pm to 6 am- 8 hours will be a perfect goal to have. You will feel great and also your diet of more fruits and vegetables will help your stability also. I will be with you. You will do fine, just remember to balance it all. Take it easy on yourself. Your health is the most important thing because without it, you won’t be able to do anything else. All would be delayed. Not good. So, take care. I’m with you as I always am. I love you, kiddo. You will have a great trip with your parents in Florida and so just know that sleep is important as well as balance. Go easy and rest much. It’s not laziness to rest in my presence where I can recharge your batteries. Don’t worry about getting everything done that is on your list to do. It’s all-good. No hurries, no worries. Love DB. Rest. Chill.

Closing: Thank you for that you guys. I really needed a reminder to sleep more and take time to rest in God’s healing love. Please help me get to bed earlier and up refreshed each morning with time to slowly glide into my mornings. Thank you for all your suggestions. I’ve set alarms for this. Please help me keep to this plan. Love you!   xo,  ~ Mar

Q1- Dad, I feel overwhelmed because I don’t remember the things I need to remember. For instance, I watched videos on songwriting and I feel like I have forgotten it all in the last 5 hours since I watched them. What am I supposed to do when I can’t retain any information? My brain is not cut out for learning anymore… I feel odd and misplaced all the time as if I were floating in space without direction. You will have to work some serious miracles to get much talent or music that is listen-worthy out of me.

***I told you “I got this, Mar.” don’t you remember? All you need to do is be available, with a good heart and intentions, and open to the Holy Spirit working in you. We will do the miraculous in your work. You will be astonished at the songs that will be produced in this manner. Take heart! I am in control and I love you. I will work some “serious miracles” and you will be proud of your music. You have much assistance. You have no idea what goodness is in store for you and DB. Hang in there. Keep the faith. Love Much. Sing and pray in the spirit. Write songs. Freestyle to get ideas. You will be surprised.

Q2-Holy Spirit, I am very tired. I will have to ask you guys quick question/answers tonight. (Sorry) Will you help me pray with RW tomorrow when I go visit him?

*** Yes, I and your mom will pray with you and him when you get over to the nursing home, but pray on your way over there for us to be with you. RW will really appreciate your visit.

Q3-Jesus, sorry, I am falling asleep. Could you pray for DB and me? He’s such a grouch today. I don’t know what to do when he gets like this.

*** Just be nice, loving, and try to make him laugh. That should help. Pray for us to help you and him get along better when this happens. It will be a game changer. Honestly. Try it. Finally, if you do all you can do, then try to give him space, and try to ignore the insults and sarcasm grumpiness. Don’t take it personally. It’s his issues. Not you.

Q4- Mom, I love you. Sometimes I feel so homesick. I don’t belong here. I want to be with you guys and it’s so difficult sometimes. It feels like I’ll never be able to go home. I don’t want to die, though. It’s not that bad. I just have this achy feeling that I miss heaven and all my family. Here I feel so alone. It’s as if even my family are against me sometimes. I know that feeling is part of my mental illness, but it feels so real. As if half the time, the people I love- hate me, wish I were dead; it’s the paranoia, I know. But it feels like the cyclical good/evil personas of most people I know, are laughing at me, watching me even in the bathroom, wishing me all sorts of things that would be bad… they would rejoice to see me in pain. I don’t want to give in to this feeling. Even if it were true somehow, I don’t really care what they think. In many ways, this spiritual battlefield, is just a game… but I desperately want to win one for the team. I want to be a victor and not a victim. Can you help me?

*** Mar, don’t waste one tear on those fools. (meaning the enemy or evil spirits) You are doing wonderfully. Hang in there. Soon all this suffering will be repaid with manifold return. We are offering up every ounce of this pain. Many souls are being freed, will be freed, and able to escape hell when people offer up their sufferings to God. Mar, you are winning this game. Hang in there! Don’t look back. Look forward in anticipation to all the good things that are coming. I will give you the grace to endure and I will see to it that every blow the devil hits you with will 7 fold return back for our team. We love you. Get plenty of sleep. This funk will soon be over. (Hormones are speaking to you with anguish. Soon you’ll feel better mentally and physically.) Take care of yourself.

Closing: Thank you. I love you all so much. Please keep praying for me.   Goodnight.  xo!~Mar