12/4/12 Wow, It’s been an awesome birthday weekend… so sad that it is over now. So, on my birthday, I “sealed in my soul” with a public commitment (baptism… again) and went to Holy Spirit night on Sunday evening after we dropped off G for C. I was happy that mom, dad and DB all came to celebrate with me for the baptism. It was so awesome. I don’t feel much different, except that I am glad that I made it public that I am a follower of Christ.
I really believe that I was asked by God to do it and since it was on my birthday, I couldn’t really say no. It was the best present I could have ever received! I am embarrassed by my size on the video-which I haven’t seen yet, but that’s ok. I am not where I’d liked to have been for it, but that’s ok. I truly believe that doing it was the best thing I could have done for my relationship with God. What was weird was when DL asked me if I will love Jesus the rest of my life… I was taken by surprise. I didn’t know that would be a question. My thoughts ran from…. Yes, of course – then I thought but I don’t act like it when sometimes I let Jesus down and if I love Jesus all my life, then I can’t be ashamed to go public and praise Jesus Christ without any fear of rejection. If I truly loved Jesus, then I would do whatever he asked no matter if it is out of my comfort zone of being mocked. All these thoughts ran through my head in an instant when she asked me that question.
In a moment delay, I decided that, YES, Of course I love Jesus and I will always LOVE Him! No matter what he asks me to do. With His help and courage, faith, strength, wisdom: it wouldn’t be me but through Christ than enables me to do His will. It would be ok for me to agree to all of the above fears because it was there by the deceiver! Of course, Of course I love Jesus and I will always love Jesus! All the doubts about me not being good enough to answer “yes” to that question was put there in a last ditch effort of Lucy to mess me up. I declare I love Jesus and will ALWAYS LOVE JESUS! NO matter WHAT! I am so glad I was baptized! It means to me that I reaffirm my parent’s intent of me to be a Christian (when they baptized me as a baby) and that I followed through with it all my life to now and forever – sealed in my heart in front of everyone!
With my soaked head to toes, I sealed it into my heart… in front of everyone. BEST. DAY. EVER!!! I am so glad my mom was there. I think she was happy for me even though at first she didn’t want to come. (for whatever reason) She changed her mind and I’m glad they all came! After the service, I went up to be prayed for and that was an awesome experience for me, too! My friend S was so awesome from the start when I met her in June. She was great and helped me with DL for the “immersing” into the water. People told me that the Gifts of the Holy Spirit are mine and I sang in tongues again that night at Holy Spirit Night. Someone told me that he saw on me that I will hear God’s Voice. (WOW! That is so cool!) I think I hear God but It is usually my Dad’s voice and that kinda is weird, but makes sense I guess.
God is really funny and helps me with sorting some of this stuff out. Only problem? I don’t really know for sure what is Me, and what is God – who’s talking here? Next Thursday is another Prophetic Encouragement class I’ll go to. Maybe they can help me understand. So, Sunday night at after H.S. night- here’s what I heard from D and her mom who prayed with me. They said: God loves you so much. (she kept stressing that over and over) He (lucy/devil) knows that if he can get you- he can get anyone. Now that threw me for a loop. If the devil thinks he can get anyone if he can get me- that means that I really can’t be douped by him. I know that I am God’s living enterprise and He can’t fail! So, sorry Lucy, but you’ve got some trouble with me because I WILL NOT GIVE INTO YOUR LIES. What I’ll do is simply take your lies and turn them around to truth for strengthening me! The opposite of a lie is complete truth. So, when you tell me and try to make me think things like: “you are disappointing God, I’m a disappointment for God” The opposite is true! GOD IS SO PROUD OF ME!
“You are afraid of being mocked- I’m afraid of what people think” NO I’m NOT! I am myself, I AM PROUD OF JESUS, I am Never going to care what anyone thinks- I will do God’s will, Live my life for Jesus and I truly don’t give a damn what anyone thinks about me, so you, Lucy can go straight to hell! Go to hell and stay there. I am not afraid- and that is the truth. When did I ever care what people thought of me? Never- to be honest, it can hurt, but I truly don’t care because I don’t value their opinion. I only care what God thinks of me. So-there!
Another good one he always tries to fool me with is: “you can’t sing” Well, I say I Can sing! Anything is possible in Jesus. So, I’ll ask Him for the ability to sing and I know he will provide the talent needed to do his will. I can sing and I know this because I’ve heard my voice sound good from time to time and God will help me out with that if I ask and I am asking right now! In Jesus’ name, I can sing, Devil,
You break your chains of fear of being laughed at, and belief of unworthiness, chains be broken of shyness, chains be broken of singing out of tune, Blessings by the Holy Spirit, I ask you to guide my mouth, tongue, throat, lungs, every breath, I give you my whole self to praise you without fear. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
So, every lie I hear, I turn it around in Jesus’ name and believe the truth which is the exact opposite of any lie. And I ask the Holy Spirit to make me aware and catch the lies that Lucy throws at me. Show me the truth at all times. Give me the gift of discerning spirits so I can see clearly when Lucy is trying to work in my life. I ask that you help me STOP in my tracks at the lie- turn it around and show me the truth that it is. Encouragement is a truth. Defeat, sad thoughts, fear, any negative emotion is caused by a lie from Lucy. So, show me the truth by turning it around for me.
Holy Spirit, I ask you to guard my mind. Please send me your angels to protect me. Make a fortress of light around me at all times. Thank you for your protection. Thank you for your guidance and thank you for all you have done for me! You are awesome and amazing! Thank you for the Church! Everyone there ROCKS! So I also was told that night (after H.S. Night) that I will have what I need, God is always with you. Blessings coming you way- In DIVINE TIME not my time. I received prayers for patience and prayers for healing my painful past of mental illness. I am so glad I am healed of that!!!! I am free to love. I am free to be me!!! I am free to worship without getting psychotic.
I am so glad for my freedom from Bi Polar illness, freedom from all mental disabilities!!! D’s mom also told me that my JOY is RETURNING! She saw me as a little girl skipping! That’s great because I remember being carefree skipping around. I love that she said that! I love letting it go and just skipping around! Well, I need to write a song as an assignment for next week. Matt is such a great teacher- We went over my lesson time a whole hour and I am so lucky to have such a laid-back and giving teacher. I think he liked the gift of the Uke book by Jummin’ Jim (365 daily songs for ukulele) I am excited to write a new one. I’ll be using the 32 bar/jazz model **Write about your baptism! Ok, that will be fun. A little embarrassing, but fun. Will you help me make it?
**Sure. Sing something like: It’s Sunday morning, my birthday in december. Not a normal birthday, but the best one yet. Light shone on me I’ll always remember. Something like that or I’ll Always Remember It was a warm and sunny Sunday My Birthday this December Light shone on me I’ll always remember Not a normal day I’ll shout it out loud The best one yet Not ashamed- I’m proud Dunked into the water Huge smile on my face Your love is so good Sin’s gone without a trace Couldn’t live without you Don’t know where I’d be now Without your guiding hand My life is yours I vow
Ok, Cool – I’ll go work on it! Thanks! I love you, Nite.