Thank you for your help in getting me back in shape and slowing down some. I really needed to increase the zyprexa and am blessed that you helped me get help before it is too far down the road. Thank you that I am able to use my Doctor’s advice of managing this horrible disease. Thank you, though, for the blessings that have come out of my struggle with Schizoaffective disease. I am able to manage this beast and that was not possible for so many years. Thank you, God, for giving me DB to help me realize when I need to increase the meds. We caught it so early, thank you! I should be fine this spring and back to normal soon. Help me not to miss too many workouts and tennis lessons. Thank you that you will continue to help me to lose weight even with this happening. Thank you for giving me so much assistance with the protection from my warring angels, the saints, Blessed Mother and the Holy Trinity. Thank you for helping me get back to board meetings and to make them a priority again. (I am sorry I went 3 days without them, I was revving up in mania so I have a good excuse?) I love you guys, thank you for your love and assistance. Thank you that you can still use me and that I have not “Blown it” and am still in the race. Don’t count me out just yet! I am a fighter and no devil is going to keep me down. God, please watch over me, keep me in your will, equip and empower me to know and to do your will always. If I stumble, pick me up and put me back on your holy road to paradise.
Q1– Dad, I feel dizzy, tired, like I’m dragging and unable to think. Being on 30 mg. zyprexa makes it practically impossible to work or get anything done, let alone exercise. If I have to be on this medicine longer than this weekend, I don’t know how I’ll be able to continue training for the 10k, or work… I need to make money and really can’t afford to miss hours. Dad, what do you think I should do? How long will I be on this higher dose? Will I have to miss our trip to Florida in 2 weeks?
***Just relax, Mar. You will be fine. Dr. W will tell you what to do. The worse that could happen is you need some time to repair and rebalance. You won’t miss too much work. I will help you get through this. We are with you. Don’t worry about training, you will make it up and there is much time before the Marathon’s 10k. Your trip to Florida will possibly need to be cancelled. If you follow Dr. W advice, you will be able to heal in time. Don’t think about what you are missing, only remember how blessed you are that you have medicine that works for your brain. Many people don’t have that worked out and ruin their lives while searching for it. Try to enjoy your time off work, and your cleared calendar schedule will be refreshing. We will get your through this season. Hang in there.
Q2-Mom, you know what I am going through. It seems so real. It is truly painful. I feel so alone and it hurts that I have these mental issues that make it seem so real that my family turns on me from loving to demonized… In a sense I know that this is the illness manifesting, but it really and truly seems like reality. My reality. Please let this medicine take away the evil I see in people. I’m not scared when it happens; it’s just so frustrating and makes me so angry. It is very difficult to be a kind and loving person when everyone keeps cycling between good and bad- wanting me dead. I love my family and friends, but -You know what it’s like. You see my torn and tortured heart. Help me through this thorn in my side. I know it’s nothing compared to what other people need to go through. Help me be loving and kind to others through it all. I need the grace to be gracious to those in whom I sense evil hatred of me and my mission.
***Mar, we are with you. Just do your best. Try to be kind. When this happens, and I know it’s been happening a lot lately, you should increase your medicines until you’re balanced again. You will be fine. You haven’t been mean to anyone. You are the one that is being hit on all sides, even if it is only in your mind. God sees your heart and has much love for you, grace for you, help for you, and patience for you. You are doing great. I know that this is a trial unfathomable, but you are doing so well. I will offer all your suffering up to the cross to be presented to the Father for lost souls. Together, we will overcome evil, Mar through Jesus’ Passion and love and Mercy.
Hang in there, you are a wonderful soldier… keep the fight strong. Hang in there. Be nice. Don’t worry how others perceive you, for we know your heart. It is being ripped in two, we know; so just do your best to be gracious. Soon you will not have to suffer this illness. Soon you will have your light body! 🙂 (Just a little good news for you) You have not lost this war, only a little blur in the process. You’re still in the game, and this is not a setback but a set up for advancement of His Kingdom… You’re doing great! Listen to what Dr. W has to say. Ok? We love you.
Q3-Holy Spirit, I need to ask you for your help. First, I want to thank you for getting me to get help before it mushroomed out of control. So, big hug and kiss of thanks. My request is that I was wondering if you could tell me what videos I should watch while I have all this free time… Something funny? Something about raw food diets and nutrition? Something spiritually enriching? Or no videos at all?
***I will lead you. When you go to YouTube, ask me what you should search for and I will show you what I would like you to see. So, ask me when you are in the moment. (You probably wouldn’t remember if I told you.) You don’t need any “To-Do” lists while you are healing. Rest in God’s love. Read your bible if you feel led to. Just keep asking me what I’d like you to do in the “now” moment. Don’t worry about having a “Now moment brain” You will remember the things you need to know when you need to know them. It’s a new JIT brain! (Just in time) flow with me in the moment. You will love it. But it will be ruined if you worry about not remembering things. They just get in our way. You will love it. Trust in my lead. I will teach you in many things. You will be a genius, but only a genius with a “poor” memory. Like we’ve all been saying, hang in there. You’re doing great!
Q4-Jesus, last night was so difficult. I poured out my heart to you and DB. I want to thank you for allowing my beloved to help me get help for my illness. He was great to talk to and he has much patience with me. Thank you that he understands me and forgives me when I fail to be loving. Thank you for your forgiveness, too. How does your love never run dry- when we neglect to thank you or think of your unfathomable divine mercy?
***You’re welcome, Mar. I am with you always. My heart is bigger than the Milky Way galaxy and love flows as an endless ocean of mercy. My love never runs dry, but it pains me when people don’t know about it or if they do, many don’t trust me that I can forgive them. My only desire is to bless all people with my loving forgiveness so that they can come to the PARTY… eternal party with the Father. Instead, many are choosing to go to hell’s “party” of endless darkness, hate, pain, and tortures… if they only knew the choice they are making by not trusting me. They don’t know me… yet. Mar,
I want to thank you for saying that you would like to invite the world to the Eternal Party! I will help you prepare for sending out the invitations with many miracles for the masses… I will come through. Keep trusting in me. IT will be fabulously successful. None will be lost. We win… Love wins every time. You need to take care of yourself. Recover this setback and know that you are still on track to win. The computer has the evidence. We know your heart. We know your struggles and offerings. We love you and appreciate you! You are my beloved and I am yours. Big strong hug to you, Mar. Keep the faith. God is with you.
Closing: I feel so much better. Thank you for being with me. I am sorry I missed 3 days of meetings, please forgive me but more importantly, help me be faithful to come here every day. I need you and I need to hear your voice. Thank you that you always talk with me, but I also appreciate putting this down so that I can read the words at a latter date. Thank you that my brain is not deteriorating, but learning to live in the moment. Thank you that my “JIT” brain is going to be a genius brain one day… I can’t wait for that gift! Thank you for your love and Mercy. Xo. ~Mar