Eternal Party People

I have only touched the service of journal entries, poetry, board meetings, short stories… I think I have gone through and uploaded a little over 100 of them.  Only about 1000 to go!  Maybe 1500 more?  It took me about 2 weeks to get this far… just a small dent in the uploading.  I’ll be working on this project until 2019 at this rate!!!  What’s worse is that I’m reading a lot of entries from when I suffered an unstable mind.  Very unstable.  Manic and grandiose with a pinch of paranoia!  OMG, how embarrassing.  Are you sure you want me to post all this?  It’s teaching me once again that I can not trust my brain.  And so I even doubt your talking with me here… that I’ve made it all or mostly up from my own imaginations.  It is hard to come here with all this going on in my mind.  Any suggestions?

***Mar, take a deep breath.  It is ok.  There is a method to the madness.  (Forgive the pun) I am still in charge.  You have a story to tell.  This is necessary.  You will need to post most of your writing so that when you win the lottery and start your ministry and begin EPP, Inc, the tribe will be able to get to know you.  Trust you.  Relate to you.  Love you.  It’s ok that you have times when you aren’t thinking completely in reality.  But that is where I want you… out of the world as it is.  I am bringing a new reality to Earth.  It will take someone who is a wild dreamer, grandiose in thinking (so I can work great miracles without you limiting me by unbelief) and you are trusting, tenaciously playing the lottery (necessary), full of faith (very necessary) and loving.  You are perfect for the job!  I’ll hire you if you still are interested in investment funds for EPP, Inc.  The funds are being wired… the money is on it’s way as we speak!  (Keep uploading the entries- ok?). Do it as fast as you can so we can get this party started…

Haha, you are too funny, ABBA.  I love you and thanks for giving me such a great purpose in this life.  I may be imagining all this since the business I started and now spend 6 hours/day plugging away at, is not my passion.  Is this my imagination acting as some kind of fantasy to help me cope with a life not too exciting but rather boring?

*** The business you are currently running is perfect because it gives you incentive to start something new… something with a passion and a purpose!  Also, it is not too stressful, so your energies are still up after work to get needed work done for EPP.  What’s great is you can set your own hours and take time off if needed.  You’re your own boss… who can blame you for doing it?  It’s great, but the next chapter will be so much better.  I’m a good boss, Mar… together we will start something great, something beautiful.  The world won’t know what happened to it … miracles and blessings abound for all my kids.  Jesus and the music we share with the world will turn it right side up.  Thank you for saying “yes”! 

How has three days gone by without me journaling/meeting with you here?  I can’t believe how fast time is flying by!  It’s good in many ways, but I feel dizzy thinking about how much time has gone by and I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing!  I need to focus more on things that matter and start saying “No, thank you- I can’t do that right now!”  I’m learning.  I’ve declined a few invitations and dropped out of some of the classes I’ve signed up for.

I am looking forward to focusing more on WD class and getting the homework done going forward.  It’s been 4 weeks and I haven’t spent much time on it.  I also am looking forward to the Worship Conference at VC.  I hope I don’t have to play guitar or sing… I just want to be there to learn what you are asking me to learn there.  I don’t know what to expect.

*** I am glad you are in WD.  It will help you learn to heed my calls and do what I am asking of you.  It is very important that you follow instructions.  We can’t get this done properly without your strict adherence to what I ask you to do.  I am not mad at you, Mar, I just want you to succeed in these plans we have for you to accomplish.  Every day meetings are what I have always asked you to start doing… can you try it for 30 days and see how much you get out of it?  You will be amazed!  You don’t need to commit to an hour long meeting each day… only drop what you are doing and come!  It can be only for 10 minutes.  That’s ok.  Just come… be here with me so that we can start a daily habit that will benefit you and many people in the end.

As for the worship conference at VC, you will have a great time and meet lots of cool people that will help you along your journey.  Don’t be self conscious or afraid.  Just have fun, learn what they share with you and know that you will be a worship minister of your own kind.  You are very unique; don’t try to be like anyone else.  Together, we will have a great time sharing my love through songs.

I have another question for you that I am afraid to get your response.  I don’t know what you will say when I share this with you.  But, I know you already know what’s going on and I know that you don’t need me to tell you!  This is a major decision that may change the course of my life and I’m not sure if in a good way.

Here it is: I decided to skip church this weekend and I’m thinking I don’t want to continue to be a regular at the Catholic Church services.  I am torn.  I feel guilt but when I ask myself why do I feel guilt- it is by the man-made rules.  It doesn’t say in the Bible to go to a Catholic Church and attend  mass every week or it is a sin.  Does it?    The reality is that I spend a lot of time in bible studies, WD, study on my own, VC sometimes, and with all the child abuse coming out and in the news, I am not feeling a passion to go.  The only thing I am missing today from not going is of course, the Holy Eucharist!  This is huge in my mind.  I am not saying that I won’t go to church… of course I will go.  During the week and some weekends, I imagine.  It’s just that I want to be free of the chain of having to do something that I would rather go when I choose to be there- not out of fear self-imposed by a regulation from other people.   The church isn’t infallible, is it?   Even saying this is making me feel guilty.  I am sorry that I feel this way.  It is just how I feel today.  I haven’t missed church in many years.  This is not feeling good, but I don’t know if this guilt is coming from man made rules or your Spirit condemning me?

*** Just wait and see how you feel next weekend.  If you want to go to church during the week, please don’t hesitate to go.  I will be there in the host, too.  I want to nourish your body, spirit, soul and mind.  I’m not mad, and this is not a sin per say.  Your heart is full of love for me and I know it.  I am sorry you and DB were hurt by the actions of priests.  Only know that the number of bad priests is a very small percentage of a large group of men.  Men are not infallible.  There is much evil in the world and the church has the world in it, too.  Pray for priests. 

Know that I am here for you anytime and in the most Holy Eucharist, your spiritual food is waiting for you.  I am not mad at you.  I know you are sorting through a lot of stuff right now and you feel overwhelmed.  I am always here for you and will never leave you.  I love you, Mar.  Know my heart is for you and it goes out in love for the whole world.  Come to reconciliation to clear yourself of past sins from the last 3 weeks and when you are there, mention your thoughts on skipping mass to the priest and see what  may  he may have to say.  I will be there and together, the three of us can sort this out so you don’t feel lost.  I know you like several churches: VC, WD (RFC), and St. P.  That is a lot.  You can not do all three – time would not permit that for you right now, I know.  Mentally, this would not be wise for you either, considering the limitations the illness has imposed on you.  This is a time of change for you.  Embrace it and know that I am leading you in the path I have for you.  Do not worry about what to do ahead of time.  Let my spirit lead you.  One step at a time, is how we will get through this maze of life.  I love you!

Help me, so that I can think of my neighbor’s needs and not be indifferent to their pain… help me, Lord, that my tongue will be merciful, guard my tongue so that I learn to never speak negatively of others but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for everyone.  Help me, Lord, that I don’t judge from appearances, but look only for the good in other people and to reach out to help them.  I want to be completely changed into your mercy and look like you with all your ways becoming my ways.  I am so sinful, so self-focused and greedy (for excess food) greed is idolatry.  I wonder if I would ever be free of these chains.  I try God, please help me change!  When I look at myself and who I’ve become, I worry if you would even want me in you house of heaven for eternity… please give me a new heart and take this heart of stone away.  Make me more like Jesus.  Show me the way.  I want to be a good example… me… the chief of sinners.  Show me your light again and lead me home.

I am going back through my past journal writings with Board Meetings, poetry, short stories, etc and trying to post them all.  What a project you are asking me to do!  I think I must have about 1000 entries to post over the last 8 years or so.  I feel embarrassed by these because I have some wild ideas: Grandiose, psychotic, selfish and prideful entries.   I pray no one finds out it is me for many years, or better yet, never know.  But I deceive myself when I think that because if God is calling me to do this so urgently, it must mean some people (maybe many) will read these entries.  I shudder at the thought, but God will get me through it all.  If people are reading about my story, then maybe some of my dreams will have come true for his Holy Kingdom?  I pray that my efforts, shame and embarrassment has something good to come out of it.  God, are you sure you are calling me to continue finishing the uploads?  It will take me until Halloween, at least.  Today I worked almost 2 hours and only was able to upload about 7 or 8 posts.

** You have been through so much.  All those years of paranoia, anxiety, grandiose thoughts, dreams that seem so unreachable, hunger to do my will and not knowing if it is God calling  you or your imaginations taking flight. Thank you for your tenacity and playing the lottery all these years.  You will not regret your efforts of obliging me in that.  Yes, my ways are strange.  You are kind to follow my lead and I will repay you for your obedience.  It will be a sign of my will being done in your life… people will be interested in your story.  It is ok if you suffer… it will be repaid a hundredfold in eternity with God.  You must suffer to be a part of the family business…. Suffering… It’s just as Jesus also had to endure hardships.  I will get you through it all.  Haven’t I always? 

As for the uploading many 100s of posts from your old journals (to this blog)…

Mar, please do this project as quickly as you can, as throughly as you can and you will be so glad when it is done.  I know it is difficult to read.  I know it brings back some bad memories and embarrassing words are plenty abound.  Many of the entries were written when you were manic, so don’t feel guilty about prideful thoughts… at that grandiose time in your life in those instances, just know that I know your heart.  I know you only want to complete your mission.  I know that you don’t desire fame, fortune or praise for yourself.  You only wanted to please me and be used by me for the purposes of healing the nations of their lukewarm and anti-Christ attitudes. You want to share God’s love and to  help us in the family business of saving souls.   You don’t want to buy things… no.  You want time and means to do what I am asking of you and to bless people in need.  You want a sign that I am calling you to this assignment! 

You want to be successful in all I ask of you… and you fear you don’t know what that is.  All I would like you to do is love.  That is all you can take with you.  Love your husband, your family, your friends, and all the people you meet, all the people you don’t know but are across the world In a completely different culture and faith.  Always love everyone!  Be kind to all. In love, you must also have a deep humility.  That will get you much further in your walk with God.  Love.  Love wins.  

Thank you, God.  Help me be more like Jesus – humble… and to love others more deeply, consistently and to not be always in a hurry.  I need to take time to be present for other people and not be rude – rushing around.  Help me love better, Jesus.  Help me be more patient with DB and to take more time in quiet with you so I can get this done right!  Thank you for clarifying that you do indeed want me to upload years of journal/board meetings to this website.  Help me get it done quickly- I know you want it done asap.  Help me continue with it until it is done and don’t let me worry about what people will think of me.  I only care what you think, God.  What you want- I want!!! Please help me to also desire to want in accordance to your will.  I love you.

Saturday, September 8, 2018 . 10:15 AM

I am trying to talk with you and am having difficulty hearing you, Lord.  So, I come to this place you have designated for our meetings.  I hope you can speak with me.  I need your advice.  I am feeling doubtful about this whole life-mission situation.  Am I deceived in thinking that you have all this lined up and are there really people that have passed on that will come for podcast sessions and jam sessions with EPP?  I don’t want to do anything that is not of you… I want nothing to do with the dark side’s agenda!!!  Doesn’t the Bible say not to have anything to do with dead people?  I am very concerned that I have made the mistake of thinking that would be a good idea.

Mar, would I allow you to go down the wrong path in your assignment?  I am in control of all things and if I desire a thing to happen, it will… if I do not desire a thing to happen, it will not!  I screen all things that happen and I am in charge of all that will happen to you.  If I allow some people to come to your home for a short visit- people that have moved to heaven…   Then you don’t need to worry about disappointing me or be scared of the situation which I am allowing.  When heaven meets Earth, and it will soon, you will have all kinds of strange things happen.  Didn’t Moses and Elijah meet with Jesus on the mountain?   If I allowed that, don’t you thing there is a reason why now at this time, the world needs miracles and signs from heaven?  The Bible says when YOU try to conjure up spirits- it is not allowed.  So, mar, don’t do that.  But when it happens by the will of God, allow it!  It’s ok.  I know you are still not sure and I see your concern.  That is good.  Only know that I am with you and I will navigate these strange waters for you.  So, do not ask for anyone to come for a visit from heaven, and only allow it to happen on my watch.  At my command and at my leading, supernatural events will occur.  It will be beautiful.

You will have many surprises in this new time for Earth.  It will be amazing and fun but many will accuse you of being involved with the dark side.  That is nothing close to the truth.  When my Holy and Mighty Kingdom Comes… there will be upheaval in the entire world system.  Money will no longer be very necessary as people create all that they need or want in the powerful name of Jesus.  In the Kingdom of God, all things are possible and many people will be scared of this new transition time.  I would like you to sing what I have to tell the world.  To sing of my love for each and every person and that I am coming back for them.  I see what’s going on and I hear their cries.  I cry with them great rivers of tears and I say “ENOUGH”!!! It is time for a change in Management!!!  Jesus is about to take his throne and kick out Lucifer from his position.  So, dear Mar, just know that many strange things will happen, but you don’t need to be afraid.  I won’t let anything evil disturb my plans that I have for you and for the world.  Be not afraid… I go before you always. Come and follow me… and I will bring you home.

Praise, you Father!  You are so wonderful and so majestic, so magnificent!!!  Your ways are so much higher than mine, I do not understand all that you want to do in my life.  Only take me to my mission one day at a time… it is enough.  I won’t worry about anything, only bring it to you here for insight and direction.  Please don’t let me be led astray.  Help me be who you want me to be.  Mold me into who you are calling me to be.  I can’t do anything without you.   Love you!

Thank you for allowing DB and I to go across the boarder for the tickets… maybe we’ll win this month?  Each month we drive the “Freeway of Fortunes” for our 10 draws. The “Freeway of Fortunes” got it’s name because of the truck that let loose a ton of cash into the air as it opened it’s doors on accident!!!  lol

I hope I win this month!  It’s been a decade of prompting from you… so I won’t complain but hopefully one day soon the numbers will pan out for a win!  It would be an amazing blessing that would allow for much good to begin happening.  100% of my time could be dedicated to EPP, Inc.  With the money, I could put it into the business and hire some very smart people to be on the team.  Seth Godin- if he wants to join…

as Seth said in a post:  “If you Score a 7- call me.”   I’d make a call to him… you betcha!

Yes, you will have all you need when you need it and you also will have just the right people for the (EPP)  job.  It will all work out.  For now, though, you need to focus on getting the board meetings upload to the website- now that it is working properly.  This is quite the project, but you will finish it ahead of schedule. 

Thank you for sending me the new clients from up North.  He wants 20 hours which is perfect for what I was hoping to add on to my schedule.   Please assist me in scheduling the appointments so I can keep them all happy and busy.  Also, please help them close the accounts from the leads I set up for them.  You can do all things.  Thank you!

Well, I almost didn’t make it here today… you gave me my second wind of energy!  Thank you for helping me today – I got a lot done!  I’m surprised I am still going strong!  Tomorrow, I’d really like to wake up earlier and get a few hours work on the blog before work.  Please help me wake up… 5 am would be great if you can give me some supernatural energy.  I can always take a nap if I’m tired.  I would love to be woken up at 5am.  That would be awesome, God!  I’ll set my alarm for 6 just in case I roll over instead.  My apologies, if I do that!

Thank you for working so hard.  It means a lot to me when you do your best and you are always such a trooper when it comes to getting stuff done.  This week, please do your class assignments and when you fast, focus on me, the love we have for you, and know that you are forgiven.  Don’t allow the enemy to keep bringing up all the sins from your entire life.  You have brought it all to the confessional and you are absolved of your sins.  Please quit reminding me of what you WERE…. You no longer need to carry all that guilt.  That is the one thing I most want to teach you, mar.  That person no longer exists. You are a new creation and you are fit for serving me for the good of the Holy Kingdom.  Step into your new assignment… in order to do that, you must let go of the past and look to the future!  It is going to be amazing!  Don’t waste your time and energy on your past mistakes… geez, mar, you think about stuff that you did in … 30 freakin years ago… which you have already confessed and been absolved of those sins!  Don’t let anyone accuse you of past sins that have been forgiven.  Please.  Please tell the enemy to shut up.  Take those accusations… those thoughts captive! 

Ok, please help me to do that!  It is difficult because those fiery darts keep attacking me all the time.  No peace in my thoughts.  What’s the remedy?

Jesus.  You must ask Jesus to help you.  He will.  I promise.  Oh, and congratulations on your first year without any alcoholic drinks!  It’s good to be in control of your faculties all the time.   My Holy Spirit can commune with you more fluidly so you can follow my lead more easily, too.  Keeping you out of trouble!  Lol.  Sleep well, I will see you in your dreams.  Nite.