Ok, so it’s been almost a full week since I wrote. I am supposed to rededicate my journaling for the next 2 weeks per our small group (the Prophetic Encouragement group) I don’t know why I stopped writing, I only know that I feel lost with out it. I am feeling sad and to be honest, alone. I don’t feel your warmth, tingly touch on my forehead and hands and It makes me wonder if I messed up big time…. I know I’ve been impatient, rude, mean, swearing from time to time, and basically not a very good resemblance of you, Jesus. Help me be more like you. Please forgive me for my wrongs- my sins… my bad behavior. I think I just feel like you should be mad at me. I’ve been proud, conceited and unkind. Yes, you should be let down because of my behavior. You may wonder why you even put up with me at all. You may wonder why you love me so much. I know I am wondering that myself. Hummmm. What say you?
*** Oh, Mar. You still don’t get it, do you? You can not earn my love. You can not ever be good enough on your own. I died for you. I died so that you don’t need to feel ashamed. I carried your shame on the cross. You are righteous in my blood. My death on the cross actually cleared multitudes of sins for you and every person who ever asks for me to carry their sin to forgiveness. Every person who ever lived on Earth or ever will live – I died for all. I’m not picky. Anyone. I came for anyone and everyone. God wants you to not feel condemned. You asked for forgiveness when you felt sad, alone, and dirty. In your asking, you are forgiven. Accept it. Please accept it and live in my love. Love others. Be careful to not think you could ever do anything on your own to earn God’s love. God loves you, each of you, because you’re my kids. You’re my sister, and friend. Mar, please don’t sit in your sin… dust yourself off in my love, and shake off the dirt. I love you. As for your forehead, and hands- if you soak up my holy spirit, in time with Him, if you focus on love, you will feel it again. You will feel it anytime you think of God and His great love for you. Close your eyes and think on us, feel us – feel our love on your forehead and hands. Try it. Try it now.
I feel you. Thank you! I feel it on my hands especially and also somewhat on my forehead. What does it mean?
*** It is my spirit which will be for the masses. Your hands will spread my love through your music and when you pray for others with your hands outstretched or on their shoulder… you (and many others) have the ability to spread my healing spirit out into the world. You will one day, when the time is right, you will just lay your hands on a hospital, and all the patients inside (and any sick workers there) will be instantly healed. You’ll put the hospitals out of business, but that’s ok. It’s in the order of things to come when MY Kingdom comes. Sickness has no hold on your town. … also then for the world as cities darkness’ fall like dominoes so that one after another, each city will belong to me, (GOD). It will start with your town and You will help be the catalyst for the other cities to follow. Signs and miracles will be the norm. People will have food, shelter, clothes, health, anything they need or desire – if it is my will, they will have it. And believe me when I say, “I want that, I want that for everyone!” It is almost my time. Almost time for my Mighty and Holy Kingdom to come onto Earth. Are you glad you get to start up the party?
Oh, my G O D, yes! I don’t feel worthy or able in my weaknesses and no talent, to do this job. I think you may have got the wrong gal? I am willing. I guess that is all you needed was someone who is willing to appear crazy. Well, yep, I’m certified in that! So, no – I don’t care what people think. (Well, sometimes I do.) I just want to make you proud of me. I’d like to think I’m willing and able but know that it is all you. You will have to work through me and I trust that you will. I remember what you said to me:
“Mar, you are my living enterprise, and God can NOT fail!”
Well, I cling to that promise and will remember that . It is YOU who will accomplish everything. I just want to be willing to follow. Please help me follow. Please give me the courage, strength, mind, and heart for your assignments. I am trying to figure out what you want me to do each day. I just take it day by day because when I make my plans, I know you are laughing!!! I can hear you snickering right now! You are really getting a kick out of this, I can tell. Hopefully I’m doing an o.k. job. I am trying to not get stressed out over it. I had that horrible melt down a few days ago. I am sorry that I swore and I’m sorry for feeling so defeated. The fire darts that Lucy fired into my mind seemed to cause a melt down but I know it was not from you and that you got me through it pretty quickly. I do feel badly for letting Lucy win even that small battle. I am ready and roaring to go! Send me!!!! I’ll go!
*** Ok, you are ready, I can tell… you are doing so well, Mar. You are my golden boot warrior in this game of Love. You are going to win this game… “LOVE WINS!” (Will be the headlines) You are a key player in this game. And yes, it is a game. Don’t get too serious, that is a downfall to you and our assignment. Remember, nothing is too hard or impossible to me. God always wins in the end. I’m getting tired of Lucy though and it’s time for my team to win, to live, to love, to rule! Lucy’s time is almost up. Don’t worry about anything. Don’t worry about money. Don’t worry about time or not enough time. I am the author of Life, I am the controller of Time. If you need time, you will have it. If you need funds, you will have it. If you ask in Jesus’ name, you will have it if it is my will. Your life is in the palm of my hand and I will not let you fall. You are right where I want you to be.
Everything is unfolding just as it should, so have fun. Don’t stress over it. If you have fun, we win. It’s as simple as that. If you get too upset over this game, we may have to take a time out to regroup, but just know that there is no way that I won’t have my kids back. . … I know the outcome. I see it all at once. I know we will win because I know everything. So really- come on- believe me. I will not leave you alone. I am with you in all things. I will not let you fail. I thank you for your willingness. You are becoming everything we decided prior to your birth. You know you can do this. I have seen the future, and you better put on your shades, because the future is so bright… you’re gonna’ need shades!
I can ‘t wait to get to the party! I want to have it all done yesterday. I am sorry for my impatience. Please give me patience, love and kindness, compassion, strength, and courage for the ride. I love your ways. You make all things right. You are awesome. I love you! Help me see the ways you help me. You healed my disease, you strengthened my knees and made them new, you love me so much, you talk to me and give me your spirit. I thank you for your kindness to me. I don’t deserve it. Thank you for adopting me.
*** I didn’t adopt you- you are my daughter.
What? Are you sure?
*** Yes. Don’t ask.
Ok. I don’t understand and I don’t think I ever could. I just thank you and ask you to forgive me for my ungratefulness. I just can’t wrap my brain around that. That would mean that somehow, I am your daughter in a more real way? How is that possible?
*** don’t ask. You are special, though. Just know how much I love you. You and DB both. You are both my kids. I watch out for my kids and no one will mess with you. They know better than that. I also have St. Michael, the Arch Angel and a host of other angels watching out for you. You are well protected, but don’t do anything stupid, like walk in front of a car… Don’t test it. You have a responsibility for it, also. But yes – you are my daughter.
Ok, if you say so. I don’t really understand. That’s ok. I am just glad you aren’t mad at me for swearing like a sailor, and slamming things around in my silly anger… being unloving, impatient and ungrateful… I am a mess. I think If I would keep the journal going daily, I’d be in a much better situation. Right?
*** you got it, Mar. Even if it is for a short time – say 5 or 10 minutes, you will get so much out of it. Don’t go for days in sin. Come to me and ask me to help you restore yourself to me. I love you and when you sit in sin, you are not a good vessel for my spirit. I need a pure spirit to work with and all you need to do is come here at these pages and ask me to restore you to me. I am asking you to please use my forgiveness capabilities, and use them for your own good and for the good of the mission. You WILL slay the dragon. I have not doubts. You are the one for me. I will use you, I will enable you. I will help you in every way possible. I only ask 2 things: First, Come to Jesus for forgiveness when you make mistakes/sin. I need you to come here daily to chat. OK? And secondly, have fun. Simple? Yes, it is simple. I’ll do the heavy lifting,-you do the fun. Ok?
Yep! I can do that! I think I really make things more difficult than they need to be. I always do that. I am sorry. Please help me to see the fun in everything. To relax. To love. To be obedient to journal and spend time with you. I love you. Thank you for making me righteous in your eyes. Thank you for forgiving me of everything. Even for forgiving me for the things I don’t even remember doing. Thank you. I love you.
Oh say, Could you give me some dreams tonight that are FUN and dreams with a loving message for my weary soul… I need some laughter in my soul. Thx! I love you. Night.