Welcome to the end of time... where you find... miracles happen all the time!

Category: EPP Board Meetings

September 13, 2012

Hi, God! I’m looking forward going to the class at VC tonight. Please help me stay stable through the end of it in November because I really want to join the church and need this class to join up. I feel like I’m always putting the brake on you, God. Please know that I’m trying to be “hot” for you and not lukewarm. I want to give my life to you, but at the same time, I know I’m no good for you if I’m in the hospital or running around crazy. I want so badly to jump into your love and to try to share your love to people I run into in my daily life… I just feel so restrained by my illness. I feel that I cannot do enough. I cannot be enough for you. Please help me ease into you and your love. Please give me stability for the rest of my life. If it is your will, I know you can heal me. I don’t want to talk about my illness to people in church, though. I want to keep it to myself, but need their prayers. Could you send me one person I can trust, to pray for me but to keep silent and not spread it around. I need a friend I can talk to about anything and not be judged. I need encouragement. I need help. I cannot do anything without you, but you make me “crazy”, as in my brain literally cannot handle your love and power. It is so discouraging. It is so difficult to bear. I want to do your will, but I have to constantly put the brakes on it—it makes me frustrated… why did you give this to me? I hope you can take it and use it for some good. I wish you would make me some yummy lemonade with these lemons that Satan has thrown at me. Hit me in the head with a bang. It killed who I used to be and that makes me soooooooo sad!

 

Enough of that. I am healthy right now and so now is all that matters. I’ll make the most of it. I will try to balance myself.

 

Oh, yeah- thank you for the crane that flew by today. I love your cranes – so beautiful. I love the way they are so big and fly so gracefully! I used to think they were a sign from you, but now I’m not so sure. It seems to me like maybe I’m reading so much more into things when you maybe don’t really even have that much of a hand in my life. I know I’m just a little depressed right now. I do know you love me and that you care about my day. I just think sometimes I may be reading into things way too much. I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if you could send someone into my life to speak about what you have in store for me and how you can use me. I remember KT words the first time I ever went to the VC. She prayed for me after the service and prophesied that God has something even bigger than I can imagine in store for me… that I would be transformed like a butterfly, and that my chains are broken. I need to remember that and I’m hoping for more words from my new church family.

 

Please send someone to me in the near future to have words of encouragement. Could you arrange that for me? Am I on the right path in taking ukulele lessons? I am enjoying it, and hope to write songs soon. It would be great if CFA could offer lessons on songwriting! Could you arrange that for me also? Thank you! I know that you use weak people and work best in weaknesses and that is my great hope that you can use me in some small way. In a big way would be better, though… I’d love to release my fears of being ridiculed because of you. Help me get over that, please. Your opinion of me is the only opinion that should matter!

 

*** I just want to tell you that you need to know that I am always with you and that I know you are doing your best. I will help you be who I want you to be since you keep asking me for that… just be patient and know that you need to take your time. Don’t try to hurry things up. It’s like a blooming flower- you can’t pull it open by the pedals, no, it needs to slowly open up to blossom. That is what you are, dear Mar… you are my precious little flower that is trying to rush the blossom. I know you think you aren’t doing enough or fast enough or losing weight enough… stop thinking that. You are progressing in divine order and divine time. Be careful of judging yourself too harshly. You really should be more kind to yourself in all matters. You are more kind to strangers than you are to yourself. Remember, to love your neighbors as yourself- well, if you don’t love yourself more, how can you love your neighbors enough?

 

But, Lord, I think I think of myself too much. I am so self-centered.

 

*** Mar, you are being too hard on yourself again. Ease on into my love and you will see. Have fun tonight. Enjoy and have a blessed and wonderful evening. We can talk about it tomorrow when we get together for your morning pages. Try to get up early and actually do them in the morning. Dad is getting you at 7:15 so try to get up at 5:30- ease into your day, ok? Ok, see you in the morning, then. Love you, God.

 

September 12, 2012

Well, Good morning, Lord! It is wonderful to be up this early 4:30 in the morning! I think I am really going to enjoy today. I plan to not be rushed in anything I do today. Help me bring up the spirit of love, patience, thoughtfulness, kindness and un-hurriedness! I have plenty of time today to get everything done that needs to be done. I think the extra 3 hours this morning will definitely be a step in the right direction! Thank you for the great fun I’m having with the ukulele. M was the perfect instructor. I hope you will arrange for a song writing class to open up at the CFA at the most perfect time for me and my dreams to progress in the most loving and divine way that will make you happy. Help me be the ukulele/ songwriter that you would enjoy. Help me make music that is fun and from your spirit. Be the music in me. Live in me and let me live in you. Please make my will dead so your will can be done in me. Help me arrange my days to your glory. Amen.

 

*** well, Mar, good early morning to you. Thank you for waking early to be with me. I appreciate it and will give you back energy today in your reward. You will have a beautiful sunrise jog today. I will be with you, so please don’t listen to music but talk with me as you watch the sun rise. I love you Mar. Please know that you have a new heart today. You asked me to give you a new heart each day and so, I’m reminding you that I am good to my word and that you have a new, clean and perfect heart today. Please follow my lead and know that you are forgiven. You asked that your dirt could be washed away – and it is. You are whiter than the purest fresh fallen snow.

 

Thanks, Lord. I appreciate it. I love you and am so glad for your love. You are so wonderful and marvelous! Thank you for DB! He is my most beloved helper in this world. He is my best friend and I don’t know what I would do without him. You are so kind for sending him to me. I love him and he loves me. We are so glad we have each other. Thank you for family. Thank you for friends. Thank you for being with me now and for your good plan that you have in store for me.

 

Thank you for the VC videos. That church is so blessed. Thank you for all the healings going on there. And thank you for the wonderful teachings. I hope you are not disappointed that I’m no longer going to SM church. I would love to go to both, but found that it is just too much. My brain cannot handle both. The limitations from my illness just won’t let me do both. I have to choose and decide what church function to go to and limit it to one or two events. I need to balance all my activities/thoughts. I pray that I will be in good health and be stable in all my ways for a long time. Help me each day to find this balance and to stay in line under your authority. Help me listen to your voice and do what my Father in heaven would have me do. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

 

*** Mar, thank you for that beautiful prayer. You are in good hands. Trust me. I will lead the way. You will not need to worry. You will only be sick when I allow it. You do not need to be afraid. If I call you to raise your medicine, just know it is for your own good. Consider it a vacation. Enjoy your rest. You will need times of “rest” and that is ok. It is in my plan for your life. I will help you to be balanced and to use your time wisely. You only have so much time, but that doesn’t mean that you need to hurry. No, it means you need to slow down. Slow down and invite me into your day. You will have long days flowing in my love. My patience, and my order should rule your day. Thank you for being my beloved daughter and for choosing to allow me to work through you. You will not be perfect, but that is because I do not choose perfect people. No, I choose weak people to show my strength and wonderful power.

 

Thank you, Lord. I love that you choose weak people! I am pretty sure that I fit that job description!!! Ha, ha, ha!

;0)

I love you, God. Thank you! Amen. Xo, xo, xo!

 

 

September 10, 2012

Thank you for sending me another new client/potential client I should say. Please plan my work schedule. Not too busy and not too slow. Money will come in as I need it, all my finances are controlled by you, Lord. Thank you for DB’s raise. And thanks to you for the perfect timing on getting a new computer. You worked everything out perfectly and I trust you always have and always will. You never give your kids more than they can handle. Wow, you must think I’m strong!!!

 

*** You are stronger than you can imagine. You are my little warrior child… always ready and willing. Thank you, Mar.

 

Oh, my gosh, no … thank you, God! Thank you for giving me the chance to work for your kingdom. Thank you for overlooking all my weaknesses and for your promise to use my weakness to show your glory and strength. I don’t know how I signed up to do this work (before I was born) I just want to thank you for allowing me to be even considered worthy. Thank you for our home here on the circle. It is a beautiful view for me to do my work. I should be more appreciative. You have done so much for us. You planned it all out so perfectly… the view for me to enjoy every day as I work. Fall weather is upon us and I’m loving it! Fall is my favorite time of year. I will enjoy some fall runs. Sorry I didn’t make it today, I felt so busy, trying to catch up from last week (computer broken) that I never made it to the neighborhood. I’m feeling lazy and out of it… like I am unfocused on my health. I pray you will guide me back to eating healthy and only when I’m physically hungry. I haven’t waited on your hunger signal in several days… I am sooooo sorry. Please help me push my restart button. I know we can do it… I can do it with your help. Getting the chocolate craving/ pre menstral- grocery shopping was not good. But you know what, that’s why you gave us the new day… so we could look at it a say, you know what… tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is a fresh start. Thank you for the new day, God.

 

You are amazing that you gave me even one day on this earth. You are go good! Tomorrow is boot camp –early day rising 5a.m. Please help me again, to wake up feeling refreshed and ready for the day. I’m going to my UKE LESSON!!! Yay, yay, yay, yippee ya hoo!!! What should my first song be that I write? Something about weight loss from God… yes, a fun one with Ms. HooDah! I think that writing songs is going to be fun… who can help me with it? Will you? You helped me write “Gold Paved”, and that was so fun… I cannot even imagine how much fun we are going to have writing living prayers, healing people!!! How awesome is that?!!!! Pretty amazing, I say… it should be a blast!

 

***Mar, you can not even imagine, you can not know the amazing things I have in store for you. (and the world) God’s kingdom of heaven is coming and will be seen by all. You, my dear Mar, are to get the party-goers ready and geared-up for a good time! You really don’t need to worry about a thing. I will give you words to speak when you don’t know what to say… and no comment is acceptable. If you don’t know, just say, Guys, I really don’t know what lies beyond, I just know that it’s gonna be good. And let people know that God has something wonderful up His sleeve…”

 

thank you, God – thank you for helping me understand and not be worried. Thank you for your love and support. Words that cannot touch the meaning of gratitude. I am numb to even begin to be grateful because it is so great, I don’t have a way of even understanding or wrapping my brain around all you’ve done for me. First of all, you created me and my world. You show me your love every minute and I take it for granted. I choose my way over your way in so many instances. Please help me die to my will. Help me be you eyes, ears, mouth, heart and soul. Let me be your hands and feet and show me the ways I should go. The ways that you want me to walk in. love you, Lord. Nite.

 

 

September 9, 2012

Please help me overcome the negative thoughts and know that I am right where I need to be today. You have me in the palm of your hand. All is well and all is unfolding as it should. Don’t worry and have a fun day. My computer will be up and running soon. Tomorrow will be a good day getting everything completed this month. Don’t think about it… just work and I will lead you to prosperity. I’m so tired I can’t live my life like this… thinking you- my dream, trying to go from point A to point Z- the task at had looks so deep and wide… how could I ever do it? **

 

***You won’t do it, I will. God will lead the way. I am powerful and can do it all through you, Mar… just take it one day, one moment at a time. Have fun w/ your uke. The Church is lining up for the revival. They don’t know it yet, but you will lead it.

 

That’s hard to believer. I can’t even function normally most days… augh.

I feel sad God. It’s a beautiful day… what’s going on? I don’t feel like writing these pages, and I don’t know why. I loved them the days prior. I think I should go for a run and then do my pages. I’d be in a much better mood, I think. Oh well, today I’ll just have to get thru it.

 

Ah, the clash… should I stay or should I go? Ok, I’m feeling better already… music does change people’s mood. I pray that you will use my music to help make people feel better/ laugh. It would be fun to play at nursing homes, too. It could be a fun place to start one or 2 songs with dad’s band. It would be a safe way to practice playing in front of people. I don’t think that they would throw things at me, at least!

 

;0)

 

Somewhere Over the Rainbow and what a wonderful world would be a good first 2 songs to play. Maybe sometime in about 2-3 months I should shoot for my first performance? Hummmmm. Ok, if you insist… if you think so. Fun. What else? I’m feeling better already, so when I finish this I’ll put on my shoes and go for a run. Please let the data be available to transfer into my new mac mini. I’m feeling stressed that it’s not done yet… I hope that I can work tomorrow w/o any problems. So much to do, so much to do.

 

Lord. I give it all to God and you help me sort it out. It gets crazy-fun sometimes and I like that. You show me the way to go- even though I know it’s probably not all 100% accurate!!! It’s a dream on paper and that’s a great place to start. The church has the services online and so I need to make a point to watch them. That way, I’ll be more up to speed and get my nutrition (spiritual nutrition) to help me get through my week. I need all the help I can get. Even though I can’t go to church regularly, it will be as if I was there.

 

I feel stable but know I need to balance out my world… even though I’d love to jump both feet into the work you -your spirit- healing, church, music, exercise, work, DB… it all has to be balanced out. So hare, Lord… help me take it easy and rest into your perfect balance. Ok, off to my run now. Help me get a good one in. I need to run off all the junk I ate last 2 days. Cookies, candy, rice cakes, chocolate, protein bars… yikes! The volume of food was definitely a major sugar binge.

 

***It’s ok, today is a new day! Xo,xo,xo,xo

 

I love you, God!

 

 

 

 

September 8, 2012

Good morning, God. I’m a little out of sorts today. I feel lost without my computer and a little worried that I’ll be missing info that I’ll need for work. I offer it up to you, God. Please take it and make it all work out well. I also offer you our finances. I won’t worry about it with your help- and I pray for prosperity that somehow I will have enough money, time and energy to do your will.

You have it on your plate to handle. My yoke will be easy with you in charge.

 

I’ll go for a quick run after these pages. When will DB be home? I hope he starts working on my computer this afternoon. He plays so much tennis- it’s great but I seem to be second to it. I am not first on DB’s priority list sometimes. That’s ok. . As long as I’m up tomorrow night, so I can test it out and get used the mac. Yes, God- I again offer it up to you to handle. Help me be patient and kind. I need your spirit of love, patience and kindness because I’m feeling the opposite right now. Ok, another topic, please?

 

*** Your run will help change your mood, Mar. In a few minutes when you’re done here, take off for a long run.

 

Ok, sounds really good. Joan Hunter Video last night was awesome. She makes healing look so easy. I will be checking her vids out for sure. Can I somehow sing healing? So that people who listen around the word feel happy, healed, made whole? Sure, you can do anything, God… I believe you can and I believe you want to. God, let’s give it a try. What does Joan say? Something like: “God, I curse ___(disease) and I command it to go and that _____(person’s body part) is completely restored and completely healthy. I command a new ___(Body part) to replace the old ____(body part) in Jesus’ name, amen… in Jesus holy name, amen! It’s that easy! Jesus and his angels will do all the rest! How awesome is that?! And I want to thank you again for my new knees! I forget how turned inward they used to be. Thank you for demonstrating your powerful awesomeness on me.

 

Thank you for allowing BW a last visit with his children. I believe you healed him for that purpose. Let’s try this for DB’s eye… “I pray, God- that you will heal DB’s eye. I curse the two diseases in his eye. I command a new eye- disease free and fully functioning healthy new eye to be in place of the old eye right now. In Jesus’ name, in Jesus’ holy name. Amen, thank you, God!

 

***Mar, laying on of hands is even more powerful. You can try to get DB’s permission to pray for him later today or tomorrow. Practice this prayer. It is a good start, but we will have a lot of fun praying for people and it will be very powerful, healing, wondrous, and even entertaining. For sure we will have fun with it and people will believe in me, Mar. Jesus’ new name may be in some cases “Kewl King” how fun is that? (And singing a prayer is twice as powerful as speaking a prayer!)

 

Yes, God, you are so awesome and you have the BEST Personality!!! Help me be courageous in my life for you. Help me sing and pray for you, that I may help usher in the GOLDEN AGE! I love you so much, God! Thank you for cheering me up! Amen.

 

September 7, 2012

Wow, powerful td jakes this morning… what I caught of it, anyways. The favor of God will bless me and my art… people will love me and because of YOUR favor on me—they won’t even know why they like me. Wow! I hope that’s true. He gave the example of James Brown- people love his performance and can’t even understand what he is singing … but we all love James B. – don’t we? James had your favor!

 

***Yes, Mar, you don’t need to worry… people will love you, completely fall for you, they will be healed and feel good when they listen to you. The people who don’t like you- who hate you even… they hate you because of me. SO, be glad when they persecute you. You are blessed immeasurably when you are persecuted because of me. It won’t/shouldn’t bother you because they are people that you won’t value their opinion. They are sad people… you will pray for them and they’ll eventually come to love Jesus… and you. If not, don’t worry. Just have fun. You don’t need to read what is written or listen to them.  Offer it to God and I will make your songs even more powerful for the people around the world. So offer it up and the people who hate you will in effect be helping you grow the ministry of the eternal party!

 

Oh, God. I love that… is that what I should call it? Ministry of the eternal party? I like that… but I also love the name “Kewl King” decisions, decisions. Thank you for running with me this morning. I’m sorry I didn’t go longer; it looked like it was going to rain. I hope the jazz walk at MB Park is not cancelled tonight. I was really looking forward to drums w/ dad. I guess I could do it tomorrow, though if it gets rescheduled. I really wanted to see beasts of the southern wild. Maybe I’ll go by myself tonight. It can be my “artist Date” that would be fun… will you go with me?

***I’m always with you. You know that. The only things you need to do is think of me and you’ll feel my presence. You are never alone and I will always, always, always love you. You are whiter than the snow and when you feel like dirt- just say: ”God, will you wash me clean, please… I’m sorry that I got dirty and in a flash—you are instantly clean. Simple. Easy as that because that’s the entire reason why I sent my son to Earth… do die for you, Mar. And each and every human being past present and future. Jesus is so sad when people let their sins/ mistakes push them away from us. It makes us all so frustrated. It’s like: imagine: you gave someone a gift… you planned it, paid a huge price for it and that person hates you, doesn’t even care of what you went through to get the gift for them… they look at the gift and throws it back in your face… calls you names, and does not even like you, but hates you. I just think it’s so sad. The gift of love, happiness, eternal life, only to be all thrown away.

 

Wow- it’s so simple, God… all I say is “I’m sorry I got dirty (like a child playing outside in the mud) Please wash me clean” I love that! Then we/I can walk in your favor. Walk faultless because of your grace. Walk in your favor. Walk with you always, as close to me as my own breath. I can ask you anything in Jesus’ holy name and you hear me. Through you, Jesus- I can work miracles and do the will of God w/ a clean slate.

 

—“All these (miracles) you will do and even grater because I go to the father.”

 

You said you couldn’t be a profit in your hometown… can I? Can I work your marvelous miracles in my hometown? I don’t want to do much traveling—too stressful. Can you work thru me living here? I would love to play at the SFAH, and maybe the stadium… it’s going to be awesome… help me stay sane. Bring me stability, Lord. Help me find my way to your will each day. Protect my family and friends so that I won’t be left alone. I need a strong network of support people and I need their unconditional love.

 

*** Mar, you only need me. I am always with you. The angels are protecting you. You will never be alone. Not to worry, please… that is the spirit of fear. Put each of these thoughts to the obedience of Christ and they will leave you alone. I love you… you’re doing a great job, Mar. We love you.

 

 

 

 

September 6, 2012

Good morning, God. Thank you for waking me up this morning to get to boot camp. 5 a.m. came around quickly- but I felt rested. Thanks for letting me get to sleep last night w/o any sleeping medicine. I’m feeling more like myself finally. 6 weeks was a long time to be on double my normal stabilizing meds. Thank you for getting me thru the reunion weekend. I just wish I could have talked to more of the women in my class. I was so sensitive to the noise, it was difficult long weekend of events, but you got me through it! Thank you for letting me lose a little weight (well in the big picture it was actually a lot of weight—155 pounds to be exact.) but, I am struggling to lose the last 50 lbs. Thank you for boot camp… that should help. Thank you for the WD app – that will definitely also help. Please get me through my trials. Waiting for true physical hunger and stopping when full. Help me wait, Lord.

 

Please heal my dad of his cold and help me stay healthy. Please help me, DB, and dad lose our weight. Please help my dad with his diabetes/heart issues. I need my dad to stay on this earth to help me do my “mission” and keep making me laugh. Help me be a better daughter to my M&D. I love them but it can be a little difficult sometimes. I guess that’s probably true of most parent/child relationships? What should we talk about now?

 

***Love

 

ok, that’s a good subject. When I’m tired is the most difficult. It takes energy to love and be patient & kind. When I’m feeling unloving please help me lean on your Holy Spirit. Not just when I’m tired but especially then. You are the way, the lightener of my load. Your yoke is easy. You can do in me what I cannot do of my own strength. Help me remember to rely on you. I think we need a sign like clasped hands. Yes, that will be our sign to remind me that you promised to lighten my load and that you will help me… if only I ask. I need your help to love more and more deeply. I trust you will help me. Also when I get angry I will try to go on a short walk by the lake or in the park and pray to you. I definitely want to pray/converse with you more during the day. Help me remember that you are as close to me as my breath. Your love and protection always. I don’t need to worry or fear anything. You are in control and all is well. No worries. Everything is unfolding as it should.

 

***Mar, you are my “living enterprise” and I, God cannot fail. So, no worries, Mar. Please change your habit of worry. It is not necessary and it is stealing your energy that we need for loving others and following my lead.

 

The sun is shining through the clouds. The blessing this morning of the fog on the way to campus this morning was beautiful. Thank you for the fog/blessing. The call you made to me… what did you say? Oh, yeah, you said,

 

“It’s our turn”

 

I think that’s what you said… is it our turn yet? Could we win the lotto or did I blow it somehow? I know I need to kill my spirit of pride. Is that the reason why it’s not my turn it seems to me like a game: good vs. evil and somehow I’m the pawn of the game. I feel like there are points. Are we doing well right now? Did I play the game ok so far? How am I doing?

 

*** It’s not a matter of how you are doing- mar… it’s a matter of how “WE” are doing. You are not alone in this. You have millions of angels, saints and people on your side/my side. All you need to do is relax and have fun. You are doing my will most of the time when you hear me, but you are not listening enough because you need to quiet down to listen. These 30 min. morning pages is the key. Write and we will talk… ok? All you need to do here is be with me on these pages. You are doing a fabulous job and we are all so proud of you. – God.

September 5, 2012

You must have something wonderful up your sleeve for us- because I believe that you don’t want anyone to miss out on the eternal party in heaven.

 

**you’re onto something there… just know it is going to be an awesome party and all are invited. Will you do me a favor and spread the news- God’s throwing an eternal bash and it’s awesome!

 

So, you want… let me get this straight, God. You want me to play Uke, laugh, cry, sing, praise and invite everyone to heaven. You want me to heal in Jesus’ name… heal people’s sad hearts, heal their bodies, soul, heart and spirit with ukulele songs… to play at church- then move onto the SFAH wait… are you serious? Am I stable or what? I feel like I’m stable. Ok, so I’m just supposed to relax into this… have fun… take my time… no hurries… no worries? Ok, then if you say so- I trust you. Please keep me healthy/stable and out of the hospital is all I ask. Help me not to do anything you don’t want me to do. Help me be who you want me to be. Help me think what you want me to think. Help me feel what you want me to feel. Help me to sing and say what you want me to sing and speak. Lead me in your ways, Holy Spirit, I am not worthy of this great job, life, and your love. I am not talented. I do not have a good voice. I can’t sing. I am crazy half the time. People will laugh at me. Help me rest into knowing that you will not fail and that I am your living enterprise. Help me be who you want me to be. I do not know what’s in store, I know that I am dying to my self, and that you will take care of me. Please let Jesus live in me, work through me and that the Holy Spirit is free to flow within me. I’m your puppet!

 

Please let me get out of your way. Please work your plan through me. My fingers hurt… I think I’ve got a thumb in the middle of writer’s cramp already. That’s ok. I’ll offer it up to you, God. My prayer is only that you will use me for good purpose and that it is a great party! (I thought planning for a class reunion was hard!) I love you, God. You are so good to me. I know I don’t deserve it. I am a terrible daughter- ungrateful, proud, selfish and a great sinner. Thank you for sending your son to die for me and to redeem me of my sins. Make me new in Christ. Give me a new heart each day. (Lord, you know I sin and need a new one each day!) I swear sometimes, I am addicted to food/greedy for it, I am self focusedl, I am so many terrible things, all the while, you love me. Why? How can you do this for me? And how can you do this for everyone in the world: past-present- and future? That’s a lot of sin on one person-Jesus. May I just say that I’m sorry for all the offenses on you, God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and Mother Mary? I apologize for all our mean and horrible words, deeds, thoughts, and sins we have all done to you guys? Thank you also for us all whether we know it or not… thanks for everything- your love and forgiveness. And also for your great plan of salvation! It is going to be a great party.

 

I hope everyone will RSVP- and come to this great and awesome eternal party- (Except the father of lies- and his minions– they can go to hell… and for eternity forever.) But, we won’t think about how, when, where, all the details. It’s too much for me to handle. God, you are my manager- please give me details as needed. Please order my day. Order my thoughts and take care of me… please don’t let me let you down. Don’t let me fail. Please forgive my sins- make me pure and whiter than the fresh fallen snow. Amen.

July 15, 2012

Morning, God. I am so sleepy this morning. Not feeling up to a run, but maybe DB will want to go to the Arc for a workout later. It is a beautiful day, though… hummm, maybe I would really enjoy a short run outside? My foot hurts, could you please make the problem on the bottom of my left foot go away? Oh yeah… I need to buy some new tennis shoes today for my new inserts coming! I should do that this afternoon and go grocery shopping, too. Ok , then tonight we can go see “Fluffy” or RG at C&F. I think I’d rather go to AH for the comedy show, but DB said he would rather go listen to RG. I would like to hear/see Daniel and the Lion, though… decisions, decisions. I think I’ll leave it up to DB to decide. So, what else is new? Oh, well… I don’t know. What should we talk about?

 

*** love

 

Again? Ok, well let me see. I am having difficulty relating my diet with your will. Is is true that I’m disobedient to your will when I eat and am not hungry? Am I not loving you if I overeat?

 

*** I have great plans for you, Mar… but it is necessary for you to learn to follow my will. That is why you are struggling. You hear my will in your heart, but you say—“No, God” by turning around and doing your will – with food and sometimes with other things. You know my will for you (sometimes) and you need also to ask/listen for my will in all things. You have gotten better at it and it is a learning process. I will always love you. You just need to be closer to me in all aspects. If we are going to succeed in this dream/plan that we have, you need to try to hear my will for you always. For example, you didn’t want to give up your NutriBullet, but you listened to me and knew my will was for you to give it to M. You did it and I bless those who listen and heed/complete my will for them at that moment.

 

Ok, that makes total sense to me, now. It is a learning process and I will be blessed when I try to hear your will and then to follow your will. It is like you are my manager. Ok, I get that. I need to listen for your direction in all things, and food is just one of the main ways for the training. Also, you would like me to be healthier, more confident, happier with my body and free from the slavery/ listening to my “flesh” trying to ruin me by over eating. Of course, it is from the lies I listen to. The cravings are not of God but of the great deceiver. Satan would love to keep all people in slave to overeating, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and just love the food, be addicted to the food and adore the lies of Satan- who says, “Just one bite, it won’t hurt you.” And also the lie that keeps me from even thinking if I am hungry before eating… I would like your help, Lord- please help me remember to think and pray/talk with you- before I eat something. I just eat without thinking! It would be good if I could train myself to pause, breathe and ask you what your will is for me before I eat. You have the best plan in store for me each day. Help me listen for that plan. I love not having to trust myself, count calories and it’s fun to see what all you want me to do.

 

*** Yes, and that is love. My love for you is for all good, the best of the best for my kiddo. It is your will that goes against my will for you. That is what we need to put to death. Your will is not really your will but that of the lies in your head by Satan. Listen for me and my good will for you and then together we can laugh at Satan! He is such a deceiver and so sneaky. And that is why I don’t completely fault people for their sins, they truly do not know what they are doing. They are being lied to through and through. But I am a just God also. I will help you discern my voice from Satan’s lies. Hang out with me, Mar, and we will have so much fun, you can’t even believe it. What is in store for you is greater than you could ever imagine, and I know you have been thinking about that. I know you have great, humongous dreams… well that is not even the tip of the iceberg. We are soooooo excited for your future…. and by “we” I mean me, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit who will be instrumental in helping you, Mother Mary, all the Angels, all the saints, all your friends and family who have passed on and are in heaven right now, all of the universe’s good is routing for you. It’s not a problem for you to find favor with us. You do your best, and that is all you’ll need to do. So much is lined up for you. You feel it and know it in your heart that all you need to do is listen for God’s will. Have faith, have fun, have patience and all will work out. I love you! I love you so much! Thank you for saying “Yes” to this call in your life.

 

Edwina

I remember the cars parked in the lot
But I don’t know where
I was
Looking up into the pale blue
streaked heavens
Where you floated
In the clouds
I felt protection
with your wings
Out stretched
Laughing as you
Vaporized
Made me
giggle
to
Myself
I loved
That you introduced
From Way up
Huge
In the
Sky
And called yourself
Edwina

 

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