Thank you: For your forgiveness which I need daily. Thank you for forgiving me for complaining today to my dad and for a bad attitude while helping him with the drums. Thank you for another leading of your numbers; 7,1! I know I look for the littlest of signs, and may be creating much of it, but still, I will thank you. If you want me to stop playing the lottery, you may need to give me some very strong and clear signs. Otherwise, I will probably keep playing until I take my last breath. I hope I’m doing the right thing… oh well, it’s just a game. Thank you for your love and protection. Thank you for giving me your mother as my own.
Shortcomings: I am so sorry that I was cranky and complaining with dad today. I think I swore yesterday in a conversation with DB. Oh, yeah, it was last night while arguing over the news. I really lost my temper over something relating to the terrorists. Please forgive me and help me do better next time. Mother, help me be a better person; help me be the person you and God would want me to be.
Scriptures: Dec. 11th
What was I thinking about? What was I feeling? What was Jesus trying to say to me through the images and words of these passages?
Isaiah 48:17-19 You teach me what is for my good and lead me on the way I should go. You will never leave me to myself. I will listen to your commandments and my prosperity would be like a river. My Vindication like the waves of the sea.
You are so good to me. I want to be a better person, for you Lord. For your glory, I want to do your will.
Psalm 1:1-4, 6
Those who follow you, Lord, will have the light of life.
Thank you for leading me. Help me follow you more closely. I feel so inadequate to even offer myself for your service. Help me be worthy to be called your daughter, for I am not even worthy to be a slave of yours. You are amazing and wonderful – Lord, I pray you can use me, being that I am such a bad example of a Christian daughter of yours… I am impatient, self focused, rude at times and unloving. So many of your other children are better than me. Help me be a daughter you can be proud of. Cleanse me and create in me a new heart… a heart for you.
Matthew 11:16-19 . The Son of Man came eating and drinking and they said, “Look, he is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners, But wisdom is vindicated by her works.”
I was thinking as I read the passage, that if people said that Jesus is a drunkard, who am I to think that people would say good things about me, and my behavior? No matter how “good” I try to be, some will say bad things about me. They absolutely will make up things and look down on me. If I try my best and ask for forgiveness from Jesus, all that should matter is what God thinks of me, and my behaviors. I will improve a little each day. Wisdom will slowly come to me more each day also. Keep doing a work of mercy each day. (Without complaining!!!)
Q1-Mom, I blew it again today. I tried to do a good deed for Dad… it started badly (phone was turned off accidentally and I missed his call) then it ended bad. (The tables were jammed and the exit had a wide drop and I couldn’t get the drums out the door easily.) I complained. I really didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to do a good deed. I was tired and was unable to go to tennis because I was too tired. I would have loved to take a nap instead of drums and then go to the workout. Augh. I am not too good at this works of mercy thing. Help me, Mom! I really need some help here. Help me be less self-focused!
Q2- Holy Spirit, what can I do when I’m all frustrated about little things? It’s not your spirit at those times… will you please empower me to be more relaxed, calm, and loving?
Q3-Jesus, what do you think of me? How do you see me?
Q4-Dad, why do you put up with me?
Answer Q1–You will learn over time. As you do the self-review of shortcomings you will get better at patience and doing the things your heart really wants to do. You will see less of the ego taking over. I know you react to your dad in the way that he reacts to you… so it truly is a difficult thing to change. You can be the better person. Try not to follow in your Dad’s example… sometimes it’s not the best. lol.
Answer Q2–When you are tired, you make mistakes and behave badly, right? Well, why don’t you listen to your body. If you are tired, don’t go. Take a nap. Try not to commit to very much, say instead, I will try to go – I’ll let you know. When do you need to know by? Don’t commit. Take time for yourself and rest up. You have a much better chance of being loving if you are rested and not too heavily scheduled. I know you want to help your dad, but if you’re tired and really don’t have the time because of work, just tell him. Nobody expects you to do all the things you do. You put additional pressure on yourself. Don’t do that.
Answer Q3-What do I think of you and how do I see you? That is a good question, Mar. I see you as a sweet innocent bride -pure, fun-loving, radiant and shining. You have a huge heart and you don’t even know it. Dad chose you for me. You are my beloved. I see you in the light of eternity. I see you with me, in my arms, and laughing all the time with the sounds of a symphony. I love you to the end of time. I love you into the eternal time where there will be a wonderful wedding feast for you and me. We will throw an eternal party. Everyone will be there. I see you with me eternally. You make me happy. I love you. I love you to the Moon, through the universe and out to the multiple galaxies the parallel universes and back… I love you endlessly. xo!
Answer Q4– Hahahahahhah, Mar… if you only knew. If you only knew the things and the people I have to put up with… HA! My mercy is endless and my love deeper than the oceans. You are not so bad, my daughter. 🙂
I love you, Mar. Keep doing your best. We will all help you and cheer you on. Don’t give up. Run a good race.
Closing Thoughts/Prayers: I am in tears… I am so lucky! I love you guys so much and am so relieved to hear your thoughts. Thank you for telling me the beautiful hope that you have for me. Thank you for your love! I am not worthy. I’m not worthy it is true, but with you, I can hold my head up. You give me strength to go on. Help me improve. Help me with time management. Give me the courage to do your will. Help me know my next steps. Saints and Angels, please pray for me. Please be with C and give her strength. Please help M find a job. Please remember all the people on the St. M’s prayer lists… please hear all their intentions and help them out with their needs. Please help mom’s surgeon do a good job and let mom’s eyes heal up quickly after surgery. Please give my mom and dad long life, healthy and prosperous. Please help my marriage get stronger and more loving. Help me be a better wife, daughter and friend. xo!
~Amen.