I need to journal some difficult situations here. When I get angry, sad, lonely, depressed, or frustrated… come talk with God. I can no longer control situations with anger and frustration. I need to give it all over to God at each instance and here in journals I can do some trouble shooting and venting of my frustration. God can and will help me, I pray.
God, first of all, I need to apologize to you! I am so sorry that I have completely blown it in the control and anger department! In the last 2 weeks, I’ve tried to control everything. Starting St. Patrick’s day on – I rebelled with my eating and not following your leading. I revolted in binge after binge. I yelled at DB multiple times. Tried to control him – which is impossible. I can only pray to you for help. I want to go to you for my help with selling our condo and lovingly be with my husband in a partnership instead of trying to do all things myself. You know my issues. You see that I think DB is doing many things on purpose just to make me mad… angry and insane. That word, Mad… it has two different words and meanings yet they are so interconnected. Help me here. Help me not to go mad… not to get mad. Journal my anger on you is what I plan to do to cry out for your help. So, I will be silent in the battles (spiritual battles) and cry out to you here. Will you please take away all the anger I have? I want to go to you for everything. So, I will start with the growl… Waiting on you and asking you what you want me to do. Looking to you for everything. I am sick of myself. I was so much more peaceful and what have I done? I am so sorry. Please give me a new beginning. I need a new start. Please take away my guilt, my heavy feeling of sadness for not looking to you. Please erase my past. I messed up. Please give me a new start today. I will wait on you. Tomorrow is Maunday Thursday. Then Good Friday… to Easter Sunday- I will fast until Easter because I want to make up for my failures. I want to be closer to you. I offer up myself, a small sacrifice, in repentance and in hopes to get back to feeling closer to you. I have missed you the last couple of weeks. I love you, God. I am so sorry, Jesus. You tried to help me and what did I do? I did what I wanted and I get miserable results. Guilt. Anger. Depression. Frustration. No… my way is not a good way. I am a terrible “god” and you are the God I need to follow. Not my will, but yours be done. Please forgive me. How I wish I could go back in time. I would journal my issues with you, and waiting on your leading. I would be so much happier right now if I had done that. I am pushing my restart button. Please make up for what I’ve missed. Please forgive me. Please help me in our efforts to sell our condo and smooth transition to our next home… a home you have in mind for us. Please don’t let me leave you again. It is miserable without you. I need you, Holy Trinity. God Almighty, you are the rock I need to stand firm. Don’t let the storms that lie ahead be too much for me. Please be my shelter from the storm.