Category: EPP Board Meetings Page 46 of 48

I know it’s been a few days. I’ve been feeling very much out of shape and have been binging on sugar stuff. So, DB and I decided to do a raw diet for 30 days starting today. I think I’ll just try to do it until my birthday (Dec 2nd)which will total 36 days. I am pretty sure I can do it. It will be tough, though! I also am pretty sure I’m going to go ahead and get baptized at VC on Dec 2nd (my birthday). They offer baptisms twice a year and it just “happens” to be on my birthday!

 

At first when I came to VC, I thought I’d not get baptized but that it is a possible option. Now, I think I want to. I don’t remember my baptism as a baby and I want to do it now because I am the one making the choice. If it weren’t on my birthday, I think I would still be undecided, but I’m taking it as a sign that it is right and that God would be happy if I did it. So, It would be nice to lose some weight before then, too!

 

*** Yes, I am glad you decided to go ahead and do it, you are making me very happy. I know it takes courage and that you don’t like to be in the spotlight or be videotaped. Don’t worry about that. I know you want to lose weight and I will help you with your raw food weight loss journey. You will love it and feel so great! Your energy will skyrocket and your skin will be beautiful – like when you were 16!

 

Awesome, thanks for offering to help me out with it. I went to the College kid’s party/worship at VC on Thursday. It was great. Wish I could have stayed until the end, but DB was picking me up at 9:30 and it was not over until 11. We are thinking about getting a scooter so I can use the car without having to arrange rides w/ sharing the car. It doesn’t make sense to get a second car but maybe a scooter? I’ve in the past said, No – because it is way too dangerous. Dad has been encouraging me to let DB get a scooter. Dad and C both have one. So, I told DB if he wants to get one, he can. I think he is unsure because it’ll be getting cold soon. Maybe in the Spring, then. I don’t want anything to happen to him, but I think he would be a good driver. I worry mainly that he would get somewhere and then it rains/freezes and then that it would be especially dangerous. I don’t know. What do you say, daddy?

 

*** He will be fine. If he wants to get one, go ahead. I’ll protect him and give him good judgment on when not to ride it and he will get a helmet. He’ll love it. It will bring much freedom for you and for him. He won’t need to drive you everywhere.

 

… yes, that would be great to have freedom to get around when I need to. You say that he’ll be fine, so Yes, I’ll leave it up to him to decide. Thanks. I have a question for you… Why do I not have the ability to put a picture in my mind and imagine things? Why am I wired differently? I can’t smell, imagine, taste… and I have suffered mental illness. So, why? What is the purpose? I have only been able to imagine something twice. Really. It only happened once the second was real faint. It was about 2 or 3 weeks ago and when I closed my eyes, I saw a crane flying across my mind’s eye. I guess that was my first imagination ever. Should I talk to a doctor or what? The second was a real faint imagination of a field with Cat’s tails – it was the vision I saw at Holy Spirit Day. (The vision was for R)

 

***ok, Mar- here’s the deal. You have not imagined anything before now because I want to give you pictures where you will know that they are only from me. I will talk with you through pictures in your mind. Try it. Close your eyes and I will right now show you something. Ok?

 

I closed my eyes for a few minutes. Nothing. I saw nothing. I tried to envision a crane and then I tried to envision a butterfly.

 

*** That is my point. I want to give you a picture. Don’t try to imagine anything. Let me do the picture for you. Try again.

 

Nothing. I guess you proved to me that I can’t put pictures in my mind and I trust that you will show me what you want to show me when you need to show me. Should I try it again?

 

***No, I just wanted to show you that for sure, when you see something, it will be from me and not you. Ok? Look for a vision sometime this week. I’ll show you a beautiful picture. You will love it!

 

Ok, thanks! I’ll “look” forward to it! So, I’ve been reading about astral projection. Could you tell me if you want to take me some place through leaving my body? I’m a little afraid that it will make me sick if I try it. Something like I may have a problem of staying in my body… and pop out when I don’t want to…. Sounds crazy right there, but I think a real possibility. I would love to learn skills and visit heaven or go into the past or future. I believe it is possible. A real possibility. I’d love to try it. Would you be my guide?

 

*** How about it we wait until next summer. That way, if you are stable until summer, then we can go down on your medicine. After we go down and then eventually go off it- then we can talk to Dr. W about it. Baby steps. There is plenty of time. You don’t need to worry about running out of time. I know you want to try it. I’ll just say that if it happens naturally with out your trying to do it, then it will be ok. I will be with you. Don’t force it. If it comes naturally, then you will be protected on your trip. You won’t have a problem of popping out when you don’t want to. I myself will take you on historical tours of heaven!

 

Ok, so, I may be in for a surprise trip somewhere?!!! That’s sounds great. I am looking forward to seeing your visions, too. And I am excited about “new Horizons”. … is that what you were talking about last week at the prophetic word appointment I had… you mentioned “New Horizons”… that should be a great experience. You are ready to take me! Wow! How fun is that?!!

 

*** Just trust in me. I will take care of you. I love you.

 

Love you, too!!! Thank you

Hi there! So what have we missed? Humm… last time I wrote here it was Sunday and now it is already Wednesday! Where has the time gone? Well, I had a lesson with M yesterday…. It was embarrassing to play my song which I wrote in GarageBand called “Made it Thru”. I need to redo the ukulele and vocal tracks. Thing is, I don’t know how to create a melody in tune! DB said he would help me with it this weekend. What I need to do it play the melody on Uke and then sing along. All I did is write the lyrics real quick and then went right to a recording! I didn’t even practice or think through the melody! So, of course it is going to be awful.

 

Oh well, I tried and only have up from here. Can’t really do worse, right? I just have to remember it is all just fun and that God will use me for healing and bringing people to His Kingdom, so I really shouldn’t worry. God will make it happen for me. I just need to work the plan… exercise, eat healthfully, practice, go to God and pray about everything. He will have his way with it, and I can trust God and His plan. I am open to it and am having a blast doing it all! I truly don’t care what other people think, I just know I have to be myself and with that comes somewhat of an embarrassment, but Truly, I don not care. I only care what God thinks of me, and He loves my boldness and trust. Right God?

 

*** You are so right. You are going to be having the life of envy from all people. You are going to be my child of honor. Don’t shake your head… You are walking in holiness and righteousness through Jesus’ blood and you are going to be equipped for all things I call you to do. You just continue to walk in faith and love. You will be so happy you said “yes!” to me. I have a great plan for you and for which will be the envy of the world. It will be like a domino where once your town is on fire for God, other cities will be empowered to follow. Mar, it truly will spread across the Earth! Healing will become common knowledge. People will seek Me and my Kingdom of Love, they will find it! Miracles will be happening in droves. Food for the hungry will appear to them, along with all ailments leaving the earth as Earth becomes back into my rule. The garden will appear and death will be no longer…. Because of what Jesus did and the fact that you said “Yes” to me, Jeuus and the Holy Spirit to work in you, for all the people in the world to come to know that I am real. You play a key role in this plan…

 Mar, don’t shake your head that it isn’t true! You are my precious little humble daughter, still, aren’t you? I know you hate to write all this down, and that is the devil trying to tell you that you are not all that I say. You don’t need to listen to those lies. You are precious and you are going to help the world come into my Kingdom and our (Jesus’ and the Happy Spirit’s) plan of salvation for everyone. You are inviting into our garden the lost sheep – which will bring all people from all time into heaven/my presence. I need all my children with me and no devil or Lucy is going to come between Me and my kids! You are my daughter that passed all the tests. You said yes so many times. No, you’re not perfect, I know (I hear you) but you ask for forgiveness and Jesus paid already the price for all your sins and shortcomings… along with the entire population of earth ever to live. Jesus won it – it was all on Jesus’ shoulders… but you, Mar, You said yes to help bring it to completion. You are my living enterprise and God cannot fail. So, you see, you have nothing to worry about except following My lead in all things.

 Talk with me about it and co-create with me. We are partners in the entire plan. And yes, Mar … you will win the lotto so that we can put more time into it along with building up this dream we have- you have been so patient and cooperative in all this. Yes, I would like to reward you.

 You will be able to share with others and even travel. You are healed and able to live your life as if you were never sick. When you feel old symptoms – and you will… just rebuke it all in the name of Jesus. It has no place in you any longer. We won that battle. Take your time… don’t rush around. That is stressful and you don’t need to be stressed. All in divine order. And yes, you will win your battle with your weight. I am going to equip you in time to do that. Just have faith that it is all going to work out and that it is all for my glory. To show others that God is good. You will lose it supernaturally. The last 50 pounds will come off in front of others in an instant of healing. You will be on stage somewhere- I don’t want to give the surprise totally away- and you will be healed of your weight problem!

Isn’t that great news?! But take care of yourself and keep trying until then. You struggle is coming to an end soon, but you just need to rest in that word I’ve given you… for my glory.

 

WOW, ok, I receive it! Do to me as you will! Help me share that blessing with all overweight people on earth through music, please. Wouldn’t that be awesome if/when my songs will heal people of weight issues as they hear it and dance their pants start to fall down/HA! They’d have to hold on to them while they laugh and dance around in their newly thin bodies?! HA! That is going to be awesome!!! You are so fun to work with! I’m so glad I’ve said yes to you over and over. I am so glad that you find me acceptable and that you’ve forgiven my sins and help me not to sin.

 

When I do sin, please bring it to my attention so I can be forgiven and learn to not do it again! Help me remember my lessons and become the person you want me to be! Help me live more fully in your presence. Help me heal others in Jesus’ name. And please be my protector at all times. Please bless my marriage and help us live for you in harmony and laughter. Please bless my family and friends and all the people here including especially all the people at the VC and SM. Please keep my schedule focused on your will and that I spend my time wisely for your Kingdom. Help us financially so that we don’t need to worry about paying the bills, but that we can bless others financially and have time to work your plans. Please help my unbelief in your desire and ability to heal anyone of anything and that you want to use me. Equip me to work your miracles thru Jesus. Help me see complete healing on any condition anywhere anytime. When I see a person in a wheel chair or mentally disabled… complete and total healing in your name! Jesus, I want to move mountains in your name and help all your sisters and brothers become whole: physically, mentally and spiritually! God, I love and adore you. Thank you so much for all you have done for me. Please help me stay the course and work your will in my life. Help me realize your voice and will and to obey and exceed your expectations. Help me be who you know I can be for God’s Glory! Amen.

Yesterday was a long day -… Holy Spirit Day retreat. It was interesting and I was able to meet a lot of new people. K was cool to meet- a Hindu from Bombay. It was interesting to see him take it all in and I’m hoping he felt comfortable and that he was blessed by the day. I gave him a Holy Spirit “coin” which had scripture on the back. He was funny. I enjoyed meeting him. Hopefully sometime he will come back and try a service some upcoming Sunday. I told him about the healing rooms and prophetic word that the Vineyard always shares after services. At our small group in the afternoon we shared prayer for each other and I was led to sing in tongues. It was actually really fun. The group prayed for courage for me to sing out loud and for the right people to come into my life to help. Actually right now, I’m waiting for D at E Cafe to help me with my recording of “We Made it Through”. I made it with the chord progression D suggested. It turned out ok, I think. Except that I sing out of key on half of it. It was fun to do in Garage Band. It took me about 7 or 8 hours just to get it all down on tracks. I had a blast doing it!

 

Today I had an appointment before the 11:00 service for prophetic word. It was super duper cool… here’s some of the notes I took down while they spoke to me. (It is so awesome, i don’t know why more people don’t make use of the appointments. They had a lot of open slots.)

 

OK, so there were 4 people in chairs across from me and another girl. They took turns talking rotating between her and myself. Here is what they said, and ALL OF IT MADE SENCE to me. I know God was talking to them because I had never met any of these people.

 

The following are comments they expressed/ I took notes: “Joy, Hope is overflowing from you in a different way. That hope is meant to be given away and as it is given away, it doubles- energizing as you give it away”. The word “Solutions”, Insight, wisdom and it looks like you solve the conflict…a system that is not tangled to you. Order- about me, I have a lot of questions sorted out. You apply yourself for God and that is a good place to be… Boldness and -You Live Outloud… In relation to your personality. you are comfortable expressing yourself. “New Horizons”- You may want to ask God what that might mean… I have an image of a vast plain. You are getting ready to take off on a horse. You travel to a new plane quickly in a new direction and God is ready to take you there… You are very adoptable- that’s good! You are “Content” easily and God enjoys that – you can move with Him. God gives you future options and you see developments which you will in time go down those paths… you express your heart to God and He Likes That! You hear God’s Voice.”

 

So for without a doubt, since I never met any of these people, they really got it on the mark! WOW! These people at the VC never cease to amaze me! Love it! I met RM who is in charge of the Pastoral Care (nursing home and hospital visits for prayer requests.) I really am torn because I want to do that in such a bad way. DB is really irritated that I am so busy and need the car so much. I don’t really know if I should maybe wait until next spring to take the classes to train for the P. Care. They are half way through the training and I am so busy with Discover, Friday small group, Healing conference, ukelele practice and recording, exercising, laundry, and not to mention work. I could fit it in somehow, but DB and P were both concerned that I may make myself sick with too much out of balance. I can see that and I respect that. I just so badly want to start up the Pastoral Care visits. I do think that I need to be committed to the time… R said about 2 or 3 hours a week after the training. I could swing that. If it were up to me only, I would jump at the chance, but I think i should maybe listen to DB, P and also M . What do you say, God?

 

*** I think you should take it easy and plan on the full training in the spring. You can wait, it is not going anywhere with out you. In stead, you can read the material before hand. You have the healing conference (3 days) in two weeks, you also can take the training for prophetic word instead. That is just 2 hours and no major commitment- right? You also can practice ukelele more. That is where your real focus needs to be right now. Ok? How does that sound?

 

Good, I appreciate that. I really didn’t know what to do. I want to please you and i want to do your will. I am glad that you don’t want me to burn out and I’m glad there is not a hurry to do all this. I am also relieved that you think I should take the Prophetic training. I would love to be used in that way, also. I am glad you want me to practice the Uke. I know with your blessing on that – i am doing the right thing by going the uke route instead of Guitar. (or other creative outlet) The ukelele really relaxes me and is a kind of strength and power giving me energy! I’ll go ahead and email R and tell that I prayed about it and that you said I should wait. Sounds crazy, but he’ll understand. I appreciate you helping me in everything – when I ask and listen. Please remind me to pray about everything, and to get quiet or journal. I think journaling is the best. I need to take more time here with you. I love you, God. Thank you for sending me your kids so we can all help each other. Help me be of service for you and share all the love you have given to me. love you!

I’m just about to leave to go to “Discover” class at VC and I haven’t had a chance to write you yet today. I worked this morning and then went to lunch with m&d and DB. Then I did my roadie duties for dad’s drums at the nursing home. It was fun to help out. Those guys are funny. One song they were playing in two different keys and it was comical to watch after the song, when they were kinda arguing about it… ;0)

 

I don’t have much to say except that I am very grateful for my health. I went to boot camp this morning – the alarm went off early (4:30 a.m.) poor DB. I woke him up. Thank you for my new knees you gave me, thank you for healing my eyes – twice! And thank you for healing me of the chemical imbalance. Tomorrow I am seeing P and get to tell him that Jesus healed me of the bipolar… should be interesting. I’m curious what he is going to say to me about that. I claim it and I’ll be honest about it. I’ll be taking my meds until Dr W lets me taper off it after Christmas, (Hopefully). I want to be responsible about it. I do feel stable and healed because I’ m doing so much with my faith. This weekend is Holy Spirit retreat at Lof the W… through VC. So, I am looking forward to continued stability during that as well as the three-day healing conference coming up in a couple weeks. (Nov 1-3rd) That is the ultimate test on my healing. To be able to immerse myself in Healing, worship, Holy Spirit stuff… that is the stuff that used to make me unstable. Now, I know I am healed and that it is fine, and yet even beneficial to me- my mind, soul and body. God will see me through it all. He is so faithful and good! Thank you, Jesus for healing me!

 

I am hoping for prophetic word tonight. Could you send someone to me again, tonight. I remember a few weeks ago you sent the word to me that you “really like that I am expectantly waiting”. I am still expectantly waiting, hoping for the big breakthrough of finances. I am looking forward to blessing a lot of people.

 

I love you and am looking forward to each day not knowing how you can use me. You healed my mind and I thank you for that. Now, I give you my mind, body, soul and strength to do whatever you want me to do. Just give me the courage to follow through with your plans and help me to always hear your still small voice. If I don’t hear it, then please speak a little louder ;0) using other people if needed. I want to make you proud of me. I am your daughter and I don’t want to let you down. Help me to make you proud.

 

***Can I just say that I love you, Mar… and you do make me very proud. You always have and you always will. Believe me, Mar, I know. So, just be yourself, you are precious to me.

 

Thank you, for that daddy. I love you.

 

Hi again…. I just got back from VC and I wanted to write down my experience because it is really wild.

 

(I saw a ufo?!!!!) Ok, so Adam gave the lesson for “Discover” tonight. The main thing I got out of it was that we are not supposed to go it alone. We have the church community/ family and we were meant to have others to help us through our walk/journey. We don’t have to do it alone. That blessed me in the most huge way because I have been so alone in my walk. Literally, ALONE.

 

I found it very interesting and a relief that maybe someone will be there for me to talk to about all this. I had no idea that I would spill the beans out in our small group! Ok, so we went through our small group discussion and came to the prayer time. Rachel invited me to the college kid’s group after Discover. I thought I’d try it out since I was so curious and it really sounded like fun. They go out on Friday nights onto campus and go on “treasure hunts” where they ask God where to go and what to look out for and then go from there praying for people God asked them to pray for.

 

We walked in the dark through an empty lot to the Prayer House set back on the property next to the woods. It was a little scary going there in the mud and dark. (I was a little worried about walking back after the meeting by myself in the dark to a lot without anyone around at 11pm. ) it was sooooooooo crazy what happened next. We sit down and started the powerful worship. I had an experience of maybe there was people there that were not really feeling comfortable with me being there. I felt too old to be there first of all. I saw an older man standing at the other side of the room with a real scary look on his face… almost like he was mad. Then he went around the back of the house and stood behind me. I could feel him looking at me and I got really creeped out. My illness experience of evil/good paranoia was coming back into my memory and I felt several things. #1 I better go before it gets to be too late and the cars leave the lot or I’ll be walking in the dark with no one around but that creepy guy that I felt was evil (my paranoia memories but not actual paranoia) I reasoned that it would be best to leave before 11 pm.

 

Next, I saw… get this, what looked like a UFO above the woods. It was a bright light in the sky and it was huge… flying low. I looked around and everyone was singing with their eyes closed. No one else saw what I saw. I was amazed and scared out of my pants. I prayed to God to just see me to my car safely and I said good-bye to R. I feel badly for leaving so soon, I’ll try to explain it to her next week when I see her again. But, I just decided to make a run for it to my car…. I really feel bad about leaving but I HAD TO GET to my car and pretend that this never happened. I do NOT want to be sick and I claim my healing. I receive my mental healing and I will protect my sanity. I was not really that scared, more just trusting God to get me home and I decided that I will not put myself into a dangerous situation at night like that again. I wish DB were with me at night when I go out like that. I will just have to maybe say no to some things that may be dangerous. I know I’m over thinking I was in danger… I’m sure I’d be fine but I need to listen to my instincts. My instincts told me to leave and that is exactly what I did with my full trust in God to take care of me. The walk back to my car wasn’t that bad because there were still cars in the lot and it was only 9p.m. I am glad that I didn’t wait until 11pm to leave. I just felt so uncomfortable.

 

It just was not a good place for me to be mentally. I did see that adorable kid who told me he saw “golden boots” and the word “Stewardship”. He was so nice to say hi to me before we started worship. God, I ask that you bless him and all the other kids there tonight. Please help them all find their way to you and your Kingdom. Help them spread your good news and protect them all from all evil. I ask that you watch over the college group and bless them all. Especially bless R with all her needs including her work with the college kids. Show her your love and give her your heart for all of them. Help them all have a safe and fun time in their group.

 

Thank you for being with me tonight and for letting me share all that in the small group. I hope I didn’t disappoint you or ruin any plans you might have had for me. I don’t know if I was not supposed to say anything about the music-healing band and the lotto. I just felt that we were supposed to be authentic and not go it alone. I have felt so alone, I really just needed someone to share all this with. Thank you for sending me into a wonderful church and small groups. Please bless S and her husband, S. Please help me be a blessing to them and the church. Forgive me for being a blabber-mouth. I hope it won’t mean that I can’t win the lotto now because of some rule I don’t know about. This game is confusing and I’m just not sure how to play it. I always hated games and never liked strategic games… but I know this game is way more serious. It is a game for souls for your Kingdom. People’s lives, eternity, heaven and hell … the war and I want to be a warrior not someone that is losing the war because of stupidity and lack of strategy. So, all I can do is be myself. Hopefully that is enough. I just needed to share it all with someone. I feel so alone. I feel so vulnerable and scared, God. I don’t know what my next move is. All I can do is try to have fun in it all but I am crying right now. Can hardly see the screen. Please help me. Please guide me. Please forgive me, if I did something wrong. Please give me stability – especially during Saturday’s Holy Spirit retreat. Am I overdoing it? I hope not. I really am putting my sanity to the test in all this. Man, if you keep me stable through all this and the holidays, I will know for sure that you have healed me of mental illness and that my stability is for real. I ask that you give me peace about it and that I continue to be a rock – hard, strong, stable, and dependable.

 

Please help me continue to be courageous and unafraid of anything all because you are my guide, protector, and daddy. You will care for me. You will watch over me along with all your legions of angels. Archangel Michael is my guardian angel, you told me a long time ago and I appreciate all the love and protection. Mother, I would like to thank you for being with me also. You are the best. I love you. You are the queen of Angels and you are in charge of all the angels – I know you have all them on special assignment to protect and guide me. Thank you! I love all you guys so much. Thank you for your care and protection.

 

*** Mar, you are doing so well. No, you are not blowing anything… just continue to be yourself. You are doing great. You don’t need to be worried about your stability. You are healed but you can scare yourself back into problems if you don’t trust us. Your old thoughts of past struggles in your mental stability will try to scare you and shake you. Just claim your stability and if you need to step back like you did tonight, that is fine. You still have limitations, but they are just common sense. Don’t be walking by yourself in the dark with weird lights in the sky in the woods!

 ;0)

 It’s common sense that you’ll be scared after all you’ve gone through with paranoia and mental illness. BUT YOU ARE NOT sick! YOU ARE JUST REMEMBERING THE OLD. RECEIVE THE NEW… MENTAL STABILITY is your new identity in me.

 God, your daddy, has healed you, JESUS healed you. THE HOLY SPIRIT HEALED YOU. You just need to relax, have a cigar…

;0)

Just kidding…

 

*** I am in control. You just remember that, Mar, and you’ll be just dandy. I love you more than anything. More than you could ever imagine. More than all the universe. Try to grasp that, ok… you are well taken care of. You do not need to worry. The only thing you should think about is having a good time and enjoying the ride. I will give you strength and a ton of fun. Believe. Trust. Rest in my love… you are my beloved daughter whom I am well pleased. (To put it mildly)

 

Oh. My. Gosh. Thank you, dad!!! Thank you for those words. It makes so much sense and it really has calmed me. Thank you for your love. I think I need to go to bed and rest my brain. It’s been a long day… starting at 4:30 am and booty camp… man. What. A. day. !!!

Ga-Night.

Hi again! I got to boot camp yesterday 6am and elliptical this morning 6:30 am. I’m logging food, exercise and weight… and hoping to start back onto the lifestyle of health. It is a habit I’ll need to reintroduce since I’ve been slacking, not exercising regularly and eating too many nuts!

 

So, God, you have a plan! It’s funny, I know – that I think I could possibly know your wonderful plans. That I would have the nerve to say what I think you want to happen in my life- winning lottery. I need to turn my life and my plan into your hands. Your will be done. I have the issue of time and money being what I feel is holding me back from whatever you want me to do in life. My plan is low and yours is high and better. What is your plan for me? You don’t work my plan—you laugh when we make plans. Just let me rest into your plan. Please work your plan, I say. You laugh. Of course your plan is worked out. Of course it is in your divine time… in your divine order. I have nothing to worry about! YOU have a plan! An AWESOME plan! Thank you for not listening to my plans and working it in your way. YOUR Way always, Lord! Transform me to your will. I offer myself as a living sacrifice. Make me holy and righteous in Jesus. Help me to listen. And heed. I am ready to follow YOUR lead, God. I offer myself again to partner with you. I offer myself to partner with you to help reach out to your children (all of us on earth). I offer my cooperation with the Holy Spirit. There is nothing on earth that would be worth exchanging- that for something in the world. If the world thinks that makes me weird, then I am. I try to glorify Christ through the actions of my life. I don’t live for the world, but for God. I love to partner/party with the

Holy Spirit. The spirit is on the move… I want to go with Him! My first citizenship is not American… but the kingdom of GOD! Where is he taking me? I am not sure, but I’ll go. I am waiting to partner with God. I get to partner with God? If it were up to me, I’d pick someone else… are you sure you want me?

 

***Mar, you crack me up. I love you. I choose you. So, be full of the Spirit, get filled over and over! You hunger for God but you feel unworthy. I tell you, Jesus’ death on the cross was for you and every other person who comes. You are worthy and righteous in Jesus. Tell people what’s going on in your life… share your testimony! You have been healed of Chemical Imbalance. Be happy and believe it! Receive it! Talk about your vision, the words that I’ve given you through other people. Testimonies rock! The Holy Spirit will lead you to openings. Find the openings to glorify Jesus Christ.

 

I need to work on a new song and also the Beatles, I wanna hold your hand… I have a long way to go. I better go practice! I love you, GOD! Thank you for a great day. Thank you for the videos from the past messages VC. I am very blessed by what they are saying. Thank you for starting this wonderful church for me to enjoy. (And everyone, of course!) Thank you for letting me find my way there and for all the other beautiful people who go there. I am looking forward to the retreat on Saturday! Help me find a ride there and back… help me feel comfortable at the retreat and to feel your wonderful peace and presence. Send me words I need to hear. Your prophetic word always amazes me. Thank you for always being so faithful in sending someone to help me in my journey. I love you.

I’m not getting very far with my first song on Uke… I am just having a tough time playing the chord progression D and I work on last time. I think strumming is a challenge for me. For some reason, I can’t get my index finger working at the right angle. I think I need a longer nail, too. Maybe I’ll get a fake set for my right hand? (So I’ll have long strong nails for the right fingers) I am meeting M tomorrow at 4pm for my first private lesson on uke and maybe he has some suggestions. I think I’ll try to meet with D on Wednesday to start writing the song. That means, I need to get the chord progression down and come up with horn/melodies for it. I have tonight to work on it and tomorrow after my lesson. Hopefully I’ll make some progress on it.  I need to get the mind set of weight loss again. I am really struggling. (I type as munching on m&m’s.) Yep, need to refocus! I don’t know why this is so hard and seemingly impossible. I feel like a failure.

 

*** Mar, don’t be so hard on yourself! You have come a very long way and you are in no race. Just try to lose 1-2 pounds a week and in time it will just be off you! I think you should count calories and try to focus on hunger/fullness. The combination of the two should get you there. And I’ll help you. Just talk with me and we’ll get this done! Together we can overcome anything…. Not just a few pounds.

 

A “few?” It’s more like 50!!!

 

*** Why don’t you try to focus on 10 lbs at a time. Ok? You can do 10 more easier thank thinking 50… so let’s just focus on the next 10 or so. How about a goal on getting to the 80’s – 185 by Jan 2013… that’s 11 weeks and about 18 pounds. How does that sound?

 

I wish I could be at my goal by Jan! I know that’s not realistic or reasonable. I

You’re right. I need to be realistic and with the holidays, I will be doing good to lose during this time of year. Yes, it would be good to be in the 80’s… thanks. I will exercise 5x week and count calories. 1265 net calories according to Lose It app shows calories should it to do the trick. I can do that! Ok, I’m feeling like I have a plan now! Thanks, God. I can do this! Let’s see when I can reach 155 (goal) on the app…. Hum lets put that into the phone to see shall we?… Ok April 6th is my goal date… 155 by then, … awesome! Yes, I can do it! And it will be fun along the way… hello 180s…. hello 170s…. hello 160s…. and finally GOAL!!! Yeah! I know I can do it! Log, and pray to God… exercise and I’ll be there before I know it! Springtime in the skinny! Yippee!

 

I’ll leave you now and go for a run! 45 minutes would be about 500 calories. So, That is my new my goal. I will run/walk for about an hour. It’s beautiful out. Sunny skies but chilly. I’ll wear my earmuffs and gloves. Here I come, pavement! Thanks, God. You are totally awesome for giving me the renewed inspiration. Love you!

 

*** And I love you, Mar. You can do it! Go and have fun!

 

A gray Saturday afternoon… slept in until 10a.m. and it felt great. Love the purple fleece sheets and blankets… ahhhhhh. So, yesterday I went to the small

group with J at VC. It was interesting. During the prayer time, D- the woman that interpreted my dream about the worms coming back, told us something. What was interesting was that In my mind, I heard God say to me that D will speak first and to listen carefully to what she says – that it will mean something to me. D spoke first (after a few minutes of silence in the group.) She said she saw a man standing in front of a big window like mirror and he grabbed his tie and threw it aside. She said he was changing his identity to be who he really is an that she felt somehow he was going to be his true child of God, living more in the spirit. Of course, I immediately thought of DB. I connected it to his quitting his job (because we won the lottery) and he changed his mind about being able to trust God more. He wanted a relationship with Jesus now. I know that this sounds like a crazed stretch, but that is what I got.

 

SO, I accept this to mean just that. Thank Goodness no one is going to read all this crazy talk in these pages, but it is just for me, right?! Right. Ok, so I waited from 11:30 until 2:30 for my ride from DB. He was taking his midterm exam! (Aced it!) When he picked me up, we went to see that house on Green/James street. It was pretty cool, but needed a lot, a lot of work. I think If we won the lotto, I would be buying something more ready to move in… and on a lake?

 

SG emailed me a bunch of Contemporary homes to look at. It’s fun. I’m hopeful to have the money sometime in my lifetime. Until then, it looks here is the place for me. And that’s ok. I like it here for now. No problem.

 

Last night we went to the planetarium and saw two shows back to back on the universe. It was for kids, but we had fun! Today it looks like we’ll be going to see DofU tonight and then meet up with friends at CA. DB’s tennis buddies are all meeting up at 7. I think we’ll have a great time. Today I’ll work on a new uke song. And I’ll need to practice for at least an hour. I don’t know if I should use the finger tip plastic extension for strumming. It seems like a good idea but I’m not sure if I like it or not. Wow, it really is gray and rainy today. Makes me want to be lazy. Any words of wisdom for me?

 

*** Enjoy your day, Mar. Relax and know that I am in charge. You will have fun tonight. Just relax today and enjoy playing your Ukelele. Write a song that makes you smile. Write a prayer to me and sing it. Songs of prayers get heard and answered more so then just speaking a prayer. I love music and my language is music. Music is me. Music comes from your heart and I am your heart. So, you see… music is more up my alley, so to speak. Sing your prayers to me and watch what happens!

 

Ok!!! I’ll go and write a prayer for you. Help me with it, God? Thanks!!! You are awesome.

I’m still half asleep. Yesterday I didn’t get to write and I forget what I wanted to talk with you about. I went with dad to his drum gig at a retirement center/nursing home. It was hot and I didn’t feel comfortable there. It was so sad to see all those people who are confused, in wheel chairs, and lonely. After I’d been there a while, a lady walked out our row of people and she smiled, and smacked me in the forehead! Then she tried to slap my face, laughed and got my neck slapped twice! I felt like saying “look lady, I’ll slap you right back- watch out!” But I didn’t. I just got irritated and then laughed. It was funny.

 

We had another class at VC called Discover that I went to. I felt weird all evening while I was there, too. I tried to share in our small group about meditating on the Our Father and how I felt lucky to have such a great dad here on earth and how I couldn’t imagine God as being so much more perfect and loving than my dad. It just came out wrong. What I wanted to say is that I feel so blessed because people that don’t have that kind of relationship with their dad could very likely have a harder time seeing that God is a good Father. They may push aside God because they don’t trust their own father here on earth—it may carry over to the same thinking about God, the Father. Of course, all this came out wrong in the group, but S was cool about being accepting and understanding. It didn’t seem to matter that much. I often say half of what’s on my mind and leave out the most important parts. Oh well. Se la vie. (Did I spell that right?) Ah, such is life.

 

This morning I’ll be going to meet up with JS and her group. I hope I’m not doing too much with Church. It is a good test to see if I truly can be more involved with church and still stay stable. I feel good and I feel like I’m healed and strong/stable. I am putting it to the test by being more involved.  I would like to start volunteering at the hospitals by going with someone on the team to pray for the sick people that are from our church or ask for prayer. I am really looking forward to that. I think I’ll wait until maybe after Christmas. I want to take some classes on healing and the conference on healing is in November. Then with Christmas, I don’t know if it will be too much. I’ll just see how I feel and if I still feel stable, maybe in December I’ll be up to training with R and joining up with someone. I’ll decide in December. Yep, that’s what I’ll do.

 

I need to claim this healing. I receive the complete healing of my mind, God.Thank you for healing me of the chemical imbalance. Thank you for the freedom you have given me to do all the fun things I want to do without the worry of getting sick. I am sorry I’ve doubted your goodness. I want to forget I ever had an illness that limited me with talking with you and doing the things I want to do for you.

 

***Mar, I forgive you for doubting but mostly also, I forgive you for swearing and going off on the co-workers. I heard your prayer yesterday and I know it is hard to behave… you did the right thing in going to me in prayer asking for forgiveness. You asked to be made whiter than the fresh fallen snow and I forgave. I just thought I’d let you know that your loss of the feeling of being anointed (the warmth on your forehead) came back after you asked for forgiveness. Do you remember when it went away and when it came back?

 

Yes, it was a sure sign of my need to repent when the feeling went away and then your forgiveness when it returned. I also felt it in my hands. Thank you for giving me the signs. I don’t want to ever go without your love. Thank you for allowing me feel your love. Please help me not to sin. But more importantly, help me to ask for forgiveness quickly when I open my big mouth and swear or talk about others. Of course, please help me shut my mouth before I do something stupid like that, but thank you for your healing forgiveness.

 

Today we are going to look at a super cool contemporary house I found online. It is on Green by James. It looks like a party house. Has two private courtyards perfect for jam sessions and I’d like to build a fireplace our there. Of course, we can’t buy it now…. But who knows… maybe someday soon we’ll win some money and be in the position to sell our condo and find a bigger home we can enjoy. They are asking $189k. So, I don’t want a million dollar home, just something a little bigger so we aren’t using the dining room table as a studio for our music. It would be nice to have a table we could actually sit in for dinner and have friends over with out being embarrassed. Oh well. It is what it is. If you want this for us, it will happen in your time. I am “being expectantly waiting” and I heard from you that that is good. So, I don’t feel bad looking around at homes with that hope intact. Ahhhh. It’s been 4 years of hope… ahhhhh. I just believe. And that’s all you want, right?

 

*** That’s more than allright… that is what the bible says, doesn’t it? Keep knocking and keep asking. The door will be opened. You will get your answer.

God’s time is different from your time. You are doing the right thing. Keep on praying and hoping. But also keep on working, practicing, going to church, developing your healing prayer skills, etc. you are doing the right things. Just remember to have fun!

 

Ok. Will do. Please help this day ahead of me… to enjoy the fun that you’ve planned. Thanks God!!!

 

Hey there, sorry I didn’t catch up with you yesterday. Had the last group uke lesson and arranged private weekly lessons with the instructor. So I’ll beworking with M on Tuesday afternoons and D will help me write songs.D and I meet at a café every other week or so. I am a little nervous about writing songs. I have a hard time on my own, so could you help me out with that?

 

***Of course, I could. Why wouldn’t I help you out? I have a lot of great lyrics lined up for you and your band “Kewl King and His Eternal Party” will have so much fun performing it. Just know that you need to be a little patient on this, remember the stage is “just not ready yet”. You have a lot of work to do. I know you need time, and that means you need money for allowing you to “quit your day job”. I equip my girl, don’t you worry. I’ll line up the right people at the right time. I’ll line up everything. Don’t you worry! Just have fun, ok? Remember that is our mantra always! Have fun… sounds easy, I know. But I also know how serious you take this assignment. Just relax and trust me. It will get more and more awesome. Just watch! Have a good work ethic and practice. Take time to journal and write songs. I’ll meet you there. Ok?

 

Ok, sounds good to me! So, tonight is another Powerball game. Could you see it in your goodness to bring the winning numbers to me? I’d love to “quit my day job” and work for you full time! You’ll make an awesome boss! “paradise” is playing and man o man- it’s true. This could be paradise. When I close my eyes, I see paradise… Help me invite all your peeps to the party, OK? I love you and know that once everyone else knows you, they will love you, too!

 

I know I also need to get back into my workout routine. Please help me make ita priority. I would also like to wait on the physical hunger signal. Please help me remember that and give me the strength to wait. Thank you!

 

It is a beautiful fall day. Thank you for the changing of seasons and for the beautiful trees changing. Please let this winter be safe for us all and beautiful. I know M loves the winter, hopefully we see some snow but not too much snow! Thank you for letting me work from home with an awesome view of the lake. I am hoping for our next home to be on the water somewhere also. I love it here. We enjoy the students and all the music… it is always fun to enjoy. I’m looking forward to performing soon. I know I have a lot to learn and practice is very important. I need to try to fit in more time for that, for sure. In fact, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go and practice right now.

Love you, papa.