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June 14, 2018

Thank you for sharing your peace with me through all that is going on. I know you are in charge… but I am trying to do my part. Please arrange the timing and keep the house on P St. reserved for us. Please let MD get back to us tomorrow for the verbiage on the lease, or at least tell me he can’t do it for us. I need to get back to MG.   Please don’t let anyone else rent it before we get back to her with the lease to sign. You are in control. Help me remember that. You are in charge of all things and you have all power over the darkness. What is meant to be will be. Amen.

 

 

Mar, you know better … or should I say, you should know better than to doubt my goodness. I will work all things for your good. You don’t need to fret about anything. It’s all under control. Rest in my peace, love and joy.

June 5, 2018

Oh my goodness, it’s been quite awhile since I’ve had an official board meeting! I am sorry for being so busy that I didn’t take time for this. You and I chat a lot throughout the day, but it helps me so much to have the main things written down so I can read it later.

 

Thank you, Dad, for coordinating all the details for the sale of our condo and purchase of the new house. Please continue to give me your peace that surpasses all my understanding. Thank you for choosing the right home for us and for protecting me from myself in wanting to buy houses a little over our comfort zone in price. The house you have for us is the perfect size, price, location and it even has a beautiful yard, near my favorite park, in a great neighborhood and hopefully the zero gravity system (being on a hill) will keep t he basement from any water damage. Please be with us tomorrow at the inspection so we have all our questions answered. Please also let both homes appraise at the needed amount to close successfully.

 

Mar, you worry so much about the details… it will all work out. Rest up tonight. Get ready for a beautiful day tomorrow because all your worries and fears will be brought to nothing. You have a great inspector who will take his time with you. He will point out the things he would have done if it were him.

 

Also, my dear mar, you are putting a little too much stress on yourself. You don’t need to take on so many hours during this time. But you are doing amazing in getting everything done. When you schedule your work for July, please give yourself 2 weeks off for the move. You will definitely need it and the added benefit of taking on less hours will help you mentally. Stress is to be managed and I’m asking you to take 2 weeks off next month. So, you should not take on more then 50 hours. cs can gladly take a month off and you have other clients who wouldn’t mind as well. It will all work out, don’t you worry. I am with you through it all.

 

Tomorrow at your physical, please be sure to tell your doctor the burning sensation in your chest (it is anxiety related) and the injury on your shoulder… she will have good advice. Listen to her. Do what she recommends but you won’t need any injections. It will all be ok. No worries, mar.

 

Thank you, Dad! That is all good advice. Thank you for watching over me, being with me always, helping me make decisions, and for putting up with me and all the running around not taking time to rest in your love and peace. Thank you for good sleep, good health, mental stability and my sweet DB. He is my rock… and sometimes thorn in my shoe… yes, a little irritating sometimes, but so am I the same to him. We are a perfect pair. Thank you for sending him my way. I love him. Help me be a better friend and wife to him. Help me be sweet and kind, forgiving, and joyful full of laughter, love and peace.

Amen.

April 17, 2018

I am having fun playing guitar… over the weekend I played for about 4 or 5 hours and time flew by! Yes, ABBA, I would love to have your Holy Spirit enable me to miraculously play songs for you and your family. I know I am not very good at it, but with your help, I know I’d be able to make some great worship songs and lead your people back home. It seems crazy writing these words, but why? Why not? I’d love to start the next chapter… I am working so hard, and researching Shopify and getting a store online. EPP store. I will email LW sometime soon, once I get more training videos watched and make sure this is what you are calling me to start doing. Are you? Is this the way you want me to go forward? Do you still want me to play the lottery?

 

 

~Yes, keep playing… imagine that! …aaaand, starting an online store is going to be key for your marketing merch and items for the new world called Heaven on Earth… a rebirth! It would be a fun thing to do, right? I know you feel overwhelmed about all the technical things to be done with it, but DB can help you and you have a lot of help online, too. Give yourself 3 months to have launch date online… so be prepared to start it up after the 4th of July. Take the next 3 months to watch the videos, get products picked out, marketing ideas for the fb adds, look into sales tax, start EPP, Inc (s Corp) with LW’s help in all this. Get your logo done (Fiverr). Look into the course offered on website (Ninja Course) …And then you will be ready on July 5th to launch! Yes, this is what I would like you to do.   Tonight make a time line with projects each day. Break it up into 2 one hour projects each day. Dedicate 2 hours each day to this project. It’s easier to break it down to do-able projects. Put a reminder on your phone for 2 hours each day for this but put all your notes into this One Note Notebook on your laptop with your timeline. You can do this!   Good luck with the lottery winning… keep playing! You can’t win if you don’t play!

 

 

April 14, 2018

I don’t know what’s going on… but I think I’m being played. I just need to do my thing and try to forget the attacks from the enemy. I got to reboot yesterday. I fell asleep at 11am Friday after a night without sleep. (I was so excited about starting a new company- the drop-shipping co online at Shopify I did not sleep Thursday night) I woke up this morning at 9am. I got 22 hours sleep! I never got so much sleep in all my life… except for the time when I had my first manic episode and after a week w/o sleep I slept a few days.

 

This week was so hard dealing with you know who…I think I needed to reboot or something!!! It felt so weird when I woke up I didn’t know what day it was or what I was so excited about doing the day before (new company starting). I am so glad that we are selling this house. I pray that we get a buyer so we can start the next chapter.

 

Starting a new company will take time and money. I have a lot to learn, but it will be good info to have for EPP, Inc. It is a small part of the plan. Music and also a shop online, so it will be great to get it started. I guess I should be just getting a DBA for EPP and incorporate once I have the funds coming in that would warrant incorporating the business. What do you think, ABBA?

 

~mar, you are trying so hard. Take it easy. One step at a time. Your stress levels are skyrocketing. That burning on your chest is from stress. You really needed that extra sleep. Keep getting plenty of sleep, take it one day at a time. You only need to focus on selling the condo and getting appointments. Right now, look around for what you want to buy. Don’t count on a lot of extra money coming in. I know you’re playing the lotto and scratch tickets sometimes… keep playing. Imagine the best and keep hoping for investment funds… prayer works! Do. Not. Worry

 

April 8, 2018

Today I realized how easily a day can be ruined by listening to the enemy. I finally snapped out of it. It was hard, and took DB’s kind words and the touch of his hand on my shoulder to come to my senses and smile. I have it so good, yet today I was in despair. I felt like it is useless to try to even think I had any qualifications to be used by God for such an important task… when I am such a sinner, slow to learn, self focused, procrastinating and spoiled to the core. I have so much, yet I keep thinking I should win some money to be able to close my business and open EPP, Inc. My mind kept telling me I’m crazy to think such thoughts… it made me so sad. I can not do this… I told myself. But yet in the back of my mind I kept hearing “yes, But with God all things are possible.” Then I thought it’s been so long… over ten years or so? …Such a long time with nothing happening. I must be crazy to think I’m still in the running for this race. I don’t know. All I do know is that I love DB with all my heart. I must be a better friend and wife. He puts up with my fits, my nutty ideas and yet he still loves me. He knows me so well, he still loves me… Unimaginable but true.

 

Tonight?

I… Imagine.  Tonight. I. Win!!!

 

It could be that time is ready.  Or time was only waiting on me to come to this realization.  No doubting.  No fear.  No regrets.  Only love, courage, excitement for the new chapter to be written!  No hate.  No guessing if the time is right.  Only expectation.  Life.  Love.  Only writing this to say… I will obey.  Just tell me what needs to be done.

 

The basement.  Many surprises await us.  Help me find the time and the skills to make something of it.  I can’t do it.  You can.

 

I imagine tonight… the numbers come in that I’ve played since 2008!  Tonight will come true.  All your love bursting through.  April 7th… what a day… the day that love broke through.  The start of your rule and reign.  You step back onto your world and wanted to say hello with love, blessings, mercy, joy, laughter, music and words to think on.  Love transcending all the hatred, fear, poverty, boredom, and pain in the world.  All to be turned upside down tonight… new management.  You will no let us down.  You have a plan.  A good and perfect plan with good and perfect timing and you are in control.  I want what you want, God.  And God gets what he wanted, what he plans, and what he wants will all come true.  To His glory!  Glory be to the Father, to the Son and to the Holy Spirit!  You, mighty and Holy Trinity- you are the champions and we are your fans.  We love you.  We adore you. And we will follow wherever you lead us.  We are both on board for the journey and your will be done, I pray.  Help me be who you want me to be and please, please, don’t let me miss my destiny or mess up my mission… help me do this the right way… with all the love you have, please give me some of it so I have enough to share with the world in song.  In writing. And in my daily walk.  If tonight I have heard your voice… saying

“mar, your prayers are with good intention and I will have your know that I am behind you.  I want to invest in Eternal Party People, Inc.  I want to help you out and let’s get this party started!” 

If tonight I hear your voice… harden not my heart.  I love you.  If you say no, not yet… harden not my heart but give it your tenacity to go on another day in faith.  You are in control. And you are the author of time.  You have perfect timing… I want whatever you want.   I’m in.  Count me in, dad.  I want to help your family business of loving the world to redemption.  I want all your kids to come home… to choose you, God.  Help me get the message out.  Give me talent, imagination, skills in art, writing, singing, and playing all kinds of instruments.  Give me your Holy Spirit and be free to use me as you wish… I am your instrument… help me help your bring peace to this hurting world.

 

So, dad… the drawing is in about 20 minutes.  I pray you consider me as your servant.  I pray you have confidence in my intentions.  I only want to help my friends in the world, so that they can know you, also.  I want to send out your invitation to eternity with you.  You are amazing and I know you like to work through people… your children you love, you like to put up with us!  I don’t know how you do it.  I know I’ve let you down so many times, but Lord, you don’t need anyone to hold you up.  So I’m glad you are still listening to me after all these years.  I don’t thing you’ve said “no”. I think you have just said “Grow” and I have been growing, yes indeed.  I’m no where near finished or perfect.  But I try.  That’s all you expect but I’d love to exceed your expectations.  Make me more like you, Jesus.  I keep trying.  I am sorry I am such a slow learner.  I love you and want to make you proud to call me your friend.  Help me be a better, kinder, more loving wife, friend and fellow traveler on Earth.  Help me be who you see me as.  I want to jump into the next phase of life… I am ready.

 

I am so bored with my work, and I know you have blessed it.  But, I am ready to start EPP, Inc if you would please invest… I promise to work hard, play hard with the gifts you give me and share it with the world in any way you ask me to share.  Music.  Miracles. Signs. Wonders. Prayers for the world and prayers for my friends and family- that we all come to the eternal party.  If I can make it… I know anyone can, too.  I am so sorry for what I’ve been… I was lost.  Now I’m found.  I want others to find their way back to you, too.  I will sing of your love.  I will do whatever you ask of me, if only you make it clear.  So, tonight is the drawing… powerball.  All mighty and All Powerful -you can do anything.

Amen!  And so it is.  Hallelujah!

 

12 minutes to the drawing.  I will laugh. I will cry.  I will jump up and down.  I will praise your name – if I win or not.  But I always know you are in control.  You’ve got this.  Whatever you want.  But I am imagining those numbers… imagining your love and mercy for us all.  Help me do this right.  I will have the most fun ever… that I am sure.  You have a way.  I want only to do your way, your will, always.

 

Love you!

~mar.

xo

March 28, 2018

I need to journal some difficult situations here.  When I get angry, sad, lonely, depressed, or frustrated… come talk with God.  I can no longer control situations with anger and frustration.  I need to give it all over to God at each instance and here in journals I can do some trouble shooting and venting of my frustration.  God can and will help me, I pray.

 

God, first of all, I need to apologize to you!  I am so sorry that I have completely blown it in the control and anger department!  In the last 2 weeks, I’ve tried to control everything.  Starting St. Patrick’s day on – I rebelled with my eating and not following your leading.  I revolted in binge after binge.  I yelled at DB multiple times.  Tried to control him – which is impossible.  I can only pray to you for help.  I want to go to you for my help with selling our condo and lovingly be with my husband in a partnership instead of trying to do all things myself.  You know my issues.  You see that I think DB is doing many things on purpose just to make me mad… angry and insane.  That word, Mad… it has two different words and meanings yet they are so interconnected.  Help me here.  Help me not to go mad… not to get mad.  Journal my anger on you is what I plan to do to cry out for your help.  So, I will be silent in the battles (spiritual battles) and cry out to you here.  Will you please take away all the anger I have?  I want to go to you for everything.  So, I will start with the growl… Waiting on you and asking you what you want me to do.  Looking to you for everything.  I am sick of myself.  I was so much more peaceful and what have I done?  I am so sorry. Please give me a new beginning.  I need a new start.  Please take away my guilt, my heavy feeling of sadness for not looking to you.  Please erase my past.  I messed up.  Please give me a new start today.  I will wait on you.  Tomorrow is Maunday Thursday.  Then Good Friday… to Easter Sunday- I will fast until Easter because I want to make up for my failures.  I want to be closer to you.  I offer up myself, a small sacrifice, in repentance and in hopes to get back to feeling closer to you.  I have missed you the last couple of weeks.  I love you, God.  I am so sorry, Jesus.  You tried to help me and what did I do?  I did what I wanted and I get miserable results.  Guilt.  Anger. Depression. Frustration.  No… my way is not a good way.  I am a terrible “god” and you are the God I need to follow.  Not my will, but yours be done.  Please forgive me. How I wish I could go back in time.  I would journal my issues with you, and waiting on your leading.  I would be so much happier right now if I had done that.  I am pushing my restart button.  Please make up for what I’ve missed.  Please forgive me.   Please help me in our efforts to sell our condo and smooth transition to our next home… a home you have in mind for us.  Please don’t let me leave you again.  It is miserable without you.  I need you, Holy Trinity.  God Almighty, you are the rock I need to stand firm.  Don’t let the storms that lie ahead be too much for me.  Please be my shelter from the storm.

March 24, 2018

Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for second chances, your forgiveness, your encouragement and for overlooking when I fail. I love DB. I am so blessed to have him in my life. Thank you for the gift of such a good friend. He understands me, knows me and still loves me. He is so smart, hard working, loving, kind, forgiving, and silly.   He has such a good attitude. I am so sorry that I complained so much yesterday and in the past. I want to let you know how grateful I am that you let me live the life I have with such a sweet husband. I wanted to delete yesterday’s journal entry because I know I was in the wrong. I want to focus on what I have. I am so blessed. Everything is going our way. I am about to have a basement soon… music and miracles… coming soon to my home to be. People will be woken up to the love of God. Jesus will work through me (and many other people, too!) and the power of the Holy Spirit will touch the lost people’s hearts.   Thank you for the life you have given to me.

 

~You are very welcome. It’s easy to love you, mar. You are blessed because you see life with a love in your heart, through your eyes; you see what the world could be. You still have faith, love, hope, and charity for your brothers and sisters. Even after all you’ve been through, your heart is still full of love for others, and for yourself. You are able to overflow in love and give love to others. Imagine the world as you hope to be in the change you see starting with you. To calm down, you must take time each day to be with me in silence… talk with me all throughout the day, and slow down.

March 23, 2018

I am so stressedddddd…. And pissed off. I am doing EVERYTHING and all I get from DB is grief, more stress, bad attitude, no help and non appreciative! I am sorry, but he actually had the never to complain today about something I double-checked with him. I got a text for the airlines, which he cancelled… because of the move. Now, all I said was I got a text about delay in the take off for the flight. He accused me of not being truthful – all I wanted to do was tell him I got a text. Anyways… I am just about at my peak of pissed-off on the upset meter… argh! He has 10 days off… slept all day while I worked my butt off… dealing with the stupid insurance from the guy that hit me. Dealing with arranging estimates, car rentals, oil change, getting my hours in today while working on getting my jobs lined up for April… on edge for realtors coming to show our condo… please arrange this for me…DAD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!! Please. Please send someone to buy our condo quickly and easily. Please keep 811 open for us to buy… I need your divine intervention. Please forgive me for swearing at DB… that was rude. I am sorry, but I am no saint. I know… earth-shattering news. Not a saint… check.

 

~mar, hahaha, you don’t need to worry so much. I am in control. Don’t worry about swearing but apologize to DB when he gets home. Tell him your feelings and ask for him to help you out more. Give him jobs. He’ll do it. I will help you out financially. Just be patient and obedient. When I ask you to do something, try to do it and don’t let yourself get in the way.

 

Ok, so I apologized. He seemed sorry (a little) too, for his part in being difficult. I gave him a job a week ago to clean out the garage for the showings this weekend. He put it off saying it’s “too cold” and refused to help with that. I said ok, I’d do it, then… like I do everything around here. He grumbled, said it didn’t need to be swept out. Now, I’m trying not to become infuriated with him again. So, I went to change and just figured I’d do it. No big deal. I am not going to get mad at him over this… that’s what he seems to want. (For whatever reason, I don’t know why.) I put my shoes on and ready to go clean it out when he said he did it while I was changing. It took him not even 10 minutes and it looks great. Big to-doo about nothing. It took him minutes. Literally. Why do I have to go through this with him every time I ask him to do any small thing? I swear, Dad- I am about to lose it. Help me change myself… I know I can’t change him. It is not worth all this anger every time I ask him to do something. It is easier to just do it all myself. Not. . Fair… But the reality is this. Why he is so stubborn I don’t know. He certainly has plenty of energy for tennis 3 or 4 times a week. Argh.

 

Mar… calm down. It’s all just a test. Don’t give your energy away so easily. Refuse to get angry. The enemy loves it when you lose it. Come to me when you want something done. I will handle it. When you ask DB to do something… write it down, talk with him about it and give him a timeline to finish the project. He will do it. Pray to me about it if it isn’t done and I will help you sort it out. You are just stressed right now with everything that is going on. In a few months this will all be behind you guys. If you remain in peace, you will be blessed for your efforts. Enjoy your weekend. Rest up. Take time for yourself with me in the office. You will be at peace in there. I promise.

 

March 22, 2018

I love you, silly! You crack me up… humming a tune and smiling a secret shared joke just you and I know. Does anyone else share what you and I know? It seems like there are thousands of people in the world in on this skit. Then other times I feel alone as if it were just you and I. Who is on what side? Do they rotate and how often/how fast is this rotation happening? Who is controlling and officiating this game? It seems impossible. Crazy. But true. All I know is… I love you. I will follow you wherever you lead me.

 

~mar, you are a good friend, soldier, player and confidante. You are one of my best friends in the world. Even when you stumble, your heart is within my heart. I won’t let you fail. Your efforts are noticed and your life is going to be worth your offering in many beautiful new and miraculous ways. Your living sacrifice is accepted and your sins all forgiven. Turn towards me and follow. I will lead you home. I will lead many if not almost all lost children… home. I only wish that I not lose even one of my sisters and brothers to the dark side. Thank you for helping me get the world to know of the love of the Holy Trinity, God, the three in one… we love each and every person in the world. If only they knew it. If only they would stop one minute and look within, there I will reveal myself if they only called out to me. I am real- and together; you and I (Along with the whole Christian Family) will help make that more real to the world. The reality of my love for humanity… in a personal one to one and close true friend of each person. I will make my way known. I am the way. I am the truth. I am the life. I am the friend you need and the love you desire. Mar, you will sing for me. I will give you the words (lyrics) and the melodies, and the talent to play along with yourself. My Holy Spirit will enable you to do many things you never dreamt. Get ready; it’s going to be an amazing ride… only follow me in everything. Do my will. The will of the father. Look to see what God is doing and then take your part in it. Don’t do anything you think God doesn’t agree with… especially with your eating. Your food, dear mar, is to do the will of the Father. You will never go wrong if you do that one thing… the will of the Father. I will help you.

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