2017-01-07 01:34am

I think I will write a memoir…yes, I will

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Today I have been mulling around some ideas. I signed up for a class on writing a memoir but I had no idea what I should write about. It has become clear to me that as much as this will hurt to rehash a…. challenge, a challenge I’ve gone through and still am enduring… it will be therapeutic to me and possibly helpful to some. That is, if I ever let anyone read it. But mostly it will help me look back at all that I have survived and the miracle that I am alive and doing so well in spite of it all.

 

If I will go back to 1989, remember the following 28 years that I have blocked from my daily memory, will I survive the journey? What should I call it? Will I be able to find humor in it? I think so. Will I be able to bring a new understanding to mental illness? Why would I go back in time?

 

To learn.

To cry.

To heal.

To laugh.

To explain.

To question.

To give gratitude.

To bring the pain to the surface and become free in the process.

To talk with God about why.

 

Why did he do this to me? What did I do wrong? This is going to be harder than I imagined!  I am crying now just thinking about this. It is necessary. I won’t die, I will become stronger and the pain I release will be replaced with peace… the peace that is beyond understanding. The depths of my soul are about to be freed from the prison of deep-seated anguish, loneliness from not being understood except by my Jesus. He will meet me at the pages of this memoir, I pray.

 

Mar, I am always with you. This will be good. You will also laugh much. Your story is one of victory. One of strength and courage. You are … go ahead type it, mar…you are amazing. We love you very much and are rooting for you every step of the way. I will help you write your story. It is an incredible journey through your mental escalades. Yes, as in “The scaling of fortified walls using ladders, as a form of military attack.” This war is not only in your mind but also in the spiritual realm. You are not on the defense but on the offensive…attacking the enemy. We are with you, especially Mother…

Queen of all the angels.

Especially the warring angels who fight with you on your behalf…

This will be a story of victory untold. “Victory”. -A memoir by Mar it will be a best seller if you ever decide to write it and get it published You will. One day.